The other side of the community thing...

While it is a choice for every individual whether to engage or remain on the fringes of community, that's not to say the community itself doesn't play a role. And while (many) people in the mega church environment may know instinctively that finding community in a large setting like that is their responsibility (see yesterday's blog entry), that's not to say that the micro church might not have an edge in certain ways...

It's the responsiblity of those who are there, those who are in to make sure that the community is welcoming enough, porous enough, that new people approaching or those finding themselves hovering at the margins know that they are welcome to engage whenever they choose. Again, you simply can't create community for people. But you can create an atmosphere conducive to community and welcome people wholeheartedly.

And this is where the smaller church has it all over the larger. It's a tough thing for any large church to call itself "welcoming." You may have a greeter program with folks standing out front shaking hands and there may be classes designed to move people from the fringes inward... but all the programs in the world have a tough time making up for the fact that it's entirely possible for someone, in the average megachurch of today to attend on Sundays for weeks upon weeks without having anyone engage, recognize, and welcome them personally.

And while people may instinctively know as they enter that larger setting that it's on them to build community there, the lack of personal welcome is seriously off-putting to many. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the story "Yeah, we moved into town and started going to (Fill in Name of Large Emerging-esque Church in Portland where Donald Miller attends) and went for awhile- but nobody talked to us..."

Again, it's the individual's responsiblity to conect, but if everything in the atmosphere of the place communicates a message that "connecting here is an uphill battle" and "Sure, we love it that you are here, Parishoner Number 4,513!" then many people will choose to exit out the back door.

This is a hard discussion to have for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that we are talking about a LOT of different kinds of people. There are those who want community handed to them without doing the work of building relationships, showing up and being present, putting yourself out there. Believe me- they exist.

Then there are people who are genuinely less skilled at building relationships and need some help from a community. They need to be reassured time and again that they are welcomed, they need someone to notice that they are floating a bit and have people reach out to them.

And then there are those who are just hurting- they have been damaged by life and they need a community to embrace them because right now, embracing others is a practical impossiblity.

So, all that to say- there are different kinds of people who need different kinds of help in connecting. What everyone needs is a welcoming community, a community that notices when they are new and that notices when they are missing. Some people need more, true... but I say that knowing that too many people think they need more. They think they need people to chase after them and pursue them... when what they really need is a challenge to engage, to choose to connect... and maybe to find connection and community by welcoming others and being the welcoming community they want to see.