people...

One of the things they forgot to tell me in Seminary (or maybe I slept in that day... I slept in a lot in those days) was that there are more than two kinds of people.

I think I went into ministry thinking, "Well, there are sheep, and then there are goats." At a certain point the idea of "wolves" entered the picture, but whether they are synonymous with goats or an entirely different class...

For most of my education and early ministry, it seemed enough to separate people into those who want it (God, church, ministry, community) and those who didn't. Simple right?
Throw in an awareness of some "false teachers" or other kinds of predators who might occasionally come around and you have yourself a simple taxonomy, ideal for modern ministry.

If only it were that simple...

One of the things I have been struggling with recently is my inability to get my head around certain people, where they are coming from and why in the world they would do what they would do.
I wish I had a simple set of categories into which I could place everyone I come across... that would make ministry so much easier. I mean, I know Jesus knows the sheep from the goats. Why can't He make it easier for the rest of us to tell?

For instance, I posted a while back about hurt people who hurt people. I think that's part of it... Like the person who passive aggressively pokes and pokes, and then complements me, and then goes back to poking. Round and round. A hurt person who hurts people? A wolf? I don't know... And when does a hurt person become a wolf?

The person who never really commits at their last church, never really commits at this church, and is now moving on in search of something more, something else. The people who go to a homegroup once, never stay after the gathering to talk to anyone, never show up at a community dinner or anything else... and then drop out with a letter about how they never really felt connected. Man- what do you do with that?

Or the person who leaves, and comes back. And then leaves and comes back. And picking fights the whole time... Or those who are content (at least until you get that letter) to show up late and leave early and never really engage.

I realized yesterday that in my head, I had slipped into (especially at the beginning of evergreen) a disctinction between the unchurched and formerly churched we wanted to see be a part of the community and the churched that were less a priority. And in my head, the unchurched/formerly churched could pretty much get away with anything, because, well... they were our raison d'etre. But in conversation with Chris and Dustin yesterday, we added a further distinction- those who are unchurched or formerly churched, but really don't want any of what we're serving up. We'll go to great lengths, and give great grace to anyone who shows a modicum of wanting community, of wanting God, of wanting to be on this journey with us, and we'll leave alone anyone who wants to be left alone... But what about people who through their actions make it clear that they don't want what we're offering, but persist in hanging around?

I also realized yesterday (duh!) that there are those who are, at least on paper, in our "target group", but on whom we cannot expend much energy- because they don't want what we have. They don't want our community, they don't want our Jesus- they want only to speak, not hear. A big difference. And maybe that's one of the signs of a wolf... When the most important thing in the world is not the voice of God, but their voice.

Now, I wish I had the one cookie-cutter way of responding to such people- but I don't. Everyone is a unique case- a weird hybrid of sheep and goat (how did Luther put it? "Simul justus et peccator"?) that demands a unique response from those who can't see their souls- only what they show us. Is this the case where we go the extra mile and God does something very cool in turning things around? Or is this the case where we put up with too much, where our patience ends with people who really are in community to connect to God and others being badly hurt by hurt people who hurt people?

I wish I knew...
I've probably said way too much here... just processing.

Comments

[Makeesha Fisher]

damn complicated people ;)

it's tough, I imagine way more so for you because your community is larger than ours.

I would also say that there are lots of "church folk" who don't want what we have either...THOSE, for me anyway, are the toughest group to know what to do with.

[robbymac]

Bob,

Welcome to the pastorate! :) (I know you already knew that -- just couldn't resist!)

Whenever we've had to come to a difficult decision to actually remove someone from leadership, it's always felt like a failure. Surely the Good News of Jesus Christ should work for everyone, right? But what is it -- unteachability, hurt people hurting people, persistent wallowing in sinful behaviour(s), not happy unless they're attacking somebody??

You've hit upon a difficult reality in this thing we call "community". I wish there were easy answers, but while the concept of "wolf" is easy to react to, when it's living people who have shared at least some of your journey, it's harder (and should be) to use the "wolf" label easily.

May God give you and your compadres lots of mercy and wisdom in dealing with these people!

[Luke]

Enjoyed the ponderings...and the picture.

[jamie]

Wow. If you figure out the answers to these questions, please let me know ASAP. I have found that this is one of my biggest struggles. What IS the path of Jesus when dealing with difficult people? When do you "walk away", when do you stay and keep struggling?

Thanks --at least I know I'm not the only one out there asking these questions.

[Kelly]

Wow! That was the quickest censorship ever!

When someone asks you for money, do you demand to know what they plan to spend it on first?

[bob]

Kelly- Like I said in my email to you- this is a converstion I'm more than willing to have with you, but not on my blog. Please respect that. When I could see that dialoging with you on yours wasn't helpful or to your liking, I stopped.
Give me the same respect on this one please.

[Rachel]

That's such a tough issue, Bob, and I sure don't have it figured out. I know we are supposed to speak the truth in love but it can be hard to find the balance. But I'm glad you are wrestling with those issues and I'm hopeful that others in the emerging conversation are too. Because I think our critics are probably right in saying that our pendulum could swing too far and become all grace and no truth.