I'm trying to get back on the blogging wagon... I really am.
For those concerned about my balance/health (and want to push me to blog less) I appreciate it very much. But this outlet is one I desperately need. More and more I am realizing just how much of a verbal processor I am, and just how many of my thoughts and feelings remain at an un-gelled state until I can write them/say them. I never want this blog to be my main outlet for talking about how I am doing and processing feelings of a more personal nature- that's what my wife, my friends and more importantly a portion of my time in prayer is supposed to be about (working on it, working on it...)
But...
This is the space for me to suss out thoughts and feelings and ideas about ministry and when I am absent here, I'm also getting, uh... constipated. Mentally, that is. You know what I mean...
So.
Here's what I've been learning these last couple of weeks...
The Sweet Spot-
The sweet spot for me is Gospel-centered counseling.
I love preaching and I love preaching the Gospel. I love preaching about Jesus, whether from the Old Testament or the New. I love taking my people down the Emmaus Road and showing how all of Scripture, all of life points to, centers on Jesus. How He is always and in every way the point. Though I am becoming more and more of a synergist (as opposed to a monergist- but that's completely another blog entry) theologically, one thing that God has given me this last year through men like Keller and Piper and even those young buck Calvinists out there (you know who you are!) is an absolute passion to see Jesus in everything and to proclaim Him in everything- to center down on and circle back to Christ, always.
I also love counseling- I did an MA in theology my first go-round in seminary, wanting to just get it done... but I missed the pastoral counseling classes, and in a way, I'm glad I did. A few years later, I found myself so hungry for those skills that I went back to Western to do an MA in Counseling (I completed abnout 90% of it... if I can find a way to fit another couple of semesters of practicum into my life, I might actually finish it someday, though it's far from a priority). Anyway, that time in the counseling program and the time I spent actually seeing clients gave me skills in empathy, reflective listening, hearing the threads of people's stories, and diagnosing issues that I don't think I would have gained from the MDiv.
I love doing both of those those, but I love even more when both of them come together in one single hour of sitting with someone, hearing their story, the knots they are struggling to untie, and seeing how the Gospel not only illuminates the issues they are dealing with but points the way towards their solutions, something I could never have done in counseling alone. And something I don't get to do as specifically in preaching because I am speaking to a large group of people who are all over the mapin many different places But when I am able to help someone name what it is they are dealing with, like "pride" or "unforgiveness" and then help them ask- so what does the Gospel say to me about those things? How does the story of Jesus and His life and death inform how I see myself (and mitigate against my pride) and how I see others (and push me towards forgiveness)?
When all of that comes together in an hour, as it did for me today, and we move from point A through B and C all the way to D ("D" being- "Well, I think I have a better idea of what I need to do with all this, in light of the Gospel) I experience one of those "This is what I'm here for, this is what I was made for" moments.
That energizes me more than most anything else I'm involved in vocationally right now... So thank you to those of you who actually trust me with those moments and open up to me in that way. Thanks for letting me be your pastor and thanks for putting up with my fumbling attempts to help and point you towards the real Savior in your life... as opposed to all those functional saviors you, me and everyone else so often put our hope into.
The Danger Zone-
I'm realizing more and more that I am George Costanza. Ever since I began losing my hair, and knowing that I have always tended towards "stocky" (was anyone else forced to wear jeans as a kid that actually had the word "husky" on the label???) my goal has been to be more Bruce Willis than George Costanza... Sometimes I'm fighting the good fight on that one, sometimes not...
But physical appearance aside, George is a great example of depravity in action, and a great role model (at least in one episode) with his "do the opposite" philosophy.
I'm learning that I really, really, really... really need to do the opposite. When I get tired out, when I have not slept well (you and me both, Mr. Driscoll), I have a tendency towards self-soothing that left unchecked will ultimately lead me to some bad places...
For example, yesterday. I was in a perpetual fog yesterday- I don't know all the reasons why, but I do know that it was a mildly productive day only because of sheer willpower and certainly not as productive as it could have been.
But in the middle of the day, I convinced myself that something that would make me feel better (lie #1) and something that I probably deserved (lie #2) was one of those new egg mcmuffin™-like things the starbucks® around here are selling- you know- egg, cheese, pepper bacon and butter all sandwhiched between a toasty english muffin. Tastes good and like all greasy, fatty comfort-food makes you feel better for about 5 minutes...
I also knew that part of the reason for lethargy (aside from crapitude in my diet and a certain poverty of sleep) has been feeling too busy to make it to the gym recently- I'm down from 3 times a week to once a week at best and more like once every week and a half if I'm being honest. I knew I wanted to get to the gym, that exercise would make me feel better in the long term, even at the cost of some short-term comfort and pain/effort. But I chose... to lay on the couch.
I know had I exercised, I would have been more alert and awake the rest of the night- instead, I was just kind of a zombie...
All that to say (and a couple examples of) the wisdom of George in "doing the opposite." I know that the desires of my body/mind have a natural tendency to lead me towards things which are ultimately not good for me or others (yeah- still a big believer in "total depravity"...). And I'm sensing in myself these small areas of entitlement and self-gratification that while small (like laziness or food) now, set a pattern in my life that I would like to head off while it's still manageable. I need to do the opposite... sigh. And I need to do it when on things that I think really don't matter much so that when I hit something that does I know what to do without even thinking about it.
So, today while buying coffee at 7-11 (Energy Fusion!) I skipped over the Cadbury Egg in favor of a banana. Baby steps, man.
Anybody else there?
