When I preach well, it's easy to say "It's not about me." When I preach poorly, I quickly and painfully realize how little I truly believe that. And I need to realize how little I truly believe that.
When I preach poorly, I see more clearly the area(s) in which I need to work harder. When I preach "well", those areas of my weakness are masked and hidden by my strengths... and may remain hidden, yet nonetheless performing sabotage on me and the community I'm helping to teach.
But even if I know the areas of my weakness, I may be content to let them be or make excuses for them if I know I am doing well in other areas. Preaching poorly actually motivates me...moves me... redoubles my resolve to pray well, study well, discuss the text well with my community in advance and preach it well. "Failure" motivates me to think more and more creatively about what I'm doing than "success" ever could.
I can take heart that it worked for/was helpful to someone (it's always helpful to someone) and in this case I know that it was the Holy Spirit that actually moved someone- not me... definitely not me... (also known as "God's strength is made perfect in my weakness")
And when I do redouble my resolve (yet again) to pray well, study well, discuss the text well with my community in advance and preach it well, and God chooses to honor that by using in the lives /life of my community, what I feel is not pride in my gifts or even my hard work- but the feeling of having humbly submitted to the Spirit, done my real, absolute best... and thankful amazement that God would allow me to be a part of the spiritual journey of members of His Body.
