the Cost: Single Vs Married

Did you know things cost different amounts when you are single vs when married? 

For instance... let's take something simple. Say I get a craving for some Spaghetti Factory- the Manager's Favorite with half meat sauce and half browned butter and mizithra cheese. MMMMMM!

How do the costs break down, single vs married? 

SINGLE:

1. Slight embarrassment at being "that guy" sitting at a table alone, quietly reading a good book while enjoying my favorite spaghetti dish.

2. $9.95 + tip (when I was single, it was actually $6.95, but we'll adjust for inflation)

MARRIED:

1. Headache that begins as wife and I try to wrangle three children into a minivan

2. "When's the food coming, when's the food coming? I'm hungry! I want bread!" all while refusing to color with or read the books they brought.

3. Major embarrassment as middle child declares "I have to go potty" and before we can respond, while busy with crying baby and son who has decided he wants to "lay down" until the food comes, takes off her pants revealing that she's lost her underwear... somewhere.  

4. Getting... something... all over my sleeve and shirt while helping daughter back on with her pants. She declares "I don't have to go anymore"... desperately hoping the wetness on my shirt is milk she has spilled on herself and not something else. 

5. Lame attempts to make conversation with wife between cajoling children to eat, jostling and trading back and forth cranky baby, picking up spilled food, crayons, utensils, etc...

6. $35+ tip + tip for balloon guy for the Little Mermaid and Spiderman balloon. 

7. Leaving immediately so as not to bother more than we have other childless patrons with the insane commotion of our presence

8. Sleepless night as middle child (the one without the underwear) repeatedly throws up grilled cheese sandwich, bread and spumoni.

9. Morning spent wandering from room to room trying to find the hidden vomit that's causing "that smell." 

As you can see, there are some major differences in cost for single vs married.

I'm just sayin'. 

Comments

[mary]

Most "Singles" eat out together as it makes us less obvious-that way, no one points and we can share food.

[bobhyatt]

I wasn't as lucky as you. I ate out alone... a lot.

[Dan Brown]

A more precise title would have indicated "Single vs. Married with Children".

[Troy Hamby]

SO true, so true!!

[Aaron Pelly]

After a meal out today with four young kids, one crying, another spilling water all over himself and then alternately crying and screaming, I feel your pain ... except for the vomit part - ick!

Bob, out of every post I've read on your blog over the last two years or so, I think this one made me laugh the most.

[Sarah]

I think this post is actually about Life Without Kids vs. Life With Kids. I'm married and I've never experienced anything close to what you just described. :)

[pam]

Been there. Lived that. And laughed my head off because it's good to be past that!

[Jen W]

Yup.

I keep reminding myself that all the stuff I wish I could do but can't cause I've got kids will pay off in the future, but... I also keep wondering how MOST people in the world manage to do this kid thing. I mean babies are insane enough. How does the human race survive?

[Chris Marsden]

Maybe this is what Paul meant when he talked about being single. My second child was grumpy at a restaurant one day and decided to throw up at the table. Ruined one plate of food, everyone's appetite, and we left early (just after food arrived). $30++ for a few bites of food and our drinks. Woohoo!!!

[Dan]

It wasn't milk you felt on your arm Bob, c'mon, you know that. I feel at least a third of your pain when Jenny and i attempt to take India to a resteraunt. Last night India crawled on top of the table and shouted for ketchup. Funny, the waitress didn't bring her any.

[dominique]

Bob- I thoroughly enjoyed this blog post. Hillarious. did you ever find the underwear? haha.

I can't decide if this makes me more eager to volunteer for y'all to have a date night or less eager...haha.

I just hope the pasta was good! :)

[dominique]

*volunteer to babysit, that is