Reverse Mentoring

I've had in my head for probably a couple of years now some thoughts on reverse mentoring, and had always meant to write something on it until, like most good ideas, I began to see others were there ahead of me. 

But lately, I'm realizing my take on it is different...

Most, when they talk about reverse mentoring mean older leaders leaning into relationship with younger ones in order to gain the benefit of the more up-to-date expertise and insight into culture the younger ones bring. In that sense, the older leaders become "mentored" by the younger ones. 

It's a fine idea in many contexts and probably absolutely needed in some... but it's not what I was thinking. In that scenario, the older leader really is being "mentored" by the younger, though no doubt some wisdom is flowing the other way. But the intent behind the whole thing is what I'm wanting to get at- this relationship is initiated and engaged in mainly for the benefit of the older leader. 

In my mind, true reverse mentoring looks similar- but still exists primarily for the benefit of the one being mentored, the younger leader.

I have a relationship with a guy I worked for a number of years back- we get together and talk, kick stuff around... and almost always, he's picking my brain for my thoughts on culture, on ministry, preaching, etc. I'm setting up blogs for him, clueing him in on viral thoughts... a constant question I get is "So what are you reading?" and "What movies have you seen?" 

As I thought about all this awhile ago, I began to become a little frustrated- it seemed very lopsided to me. Over a decade of relationship, I could point to very few moments when I felt truly mentored, built into, discipled... 

It seemed like in many ways, I was a resource for, not necessarily a beneficiary of the life and wisdom of this older man. 

So why did I keep coming back, I wondered? What was it that sustained this relationship? 

The realization I came to was that I kept coming back because I was being given something I really needed: The admiration of an older person, specifically, a older man. 

At the risk of sounding egotistical, I'll say it this way: This guy is a big fan of mine. He's always cheering for my successes, praising what I've done, letting me know how bright he thinks my future is.

This guy thinks I'm great, and once I was able to get past the idea that I wanted him to mentor me in a certain way, delivering wisdom and insights for life and ministry, and learned to just appreciate being appreciated, I began to realize just how he was mentoring me. The mentoring consisted not of telling me things I needed to know, but telling me things I needed to hear.

By praising me in the right direction, encouraging me when I did what was right, he was keeping me constantly pointed in the right direction. 

Does the relationship benefit him? I think he'd say so- but more and more I'm realizing that some times, mentoring younger leaders can look simply like being impressed by them- their gifts, talents, passion and idealism- even if secretly we see their rough edges, blindspots and shortcomings. Maybe it's enough, at least for one or two of the people we're bringing along, to leave those for others to point out and work on and simply be what everyone desires to have: an older person who truly admires them. 

Comments

[Aaron Loy]

I don't think I would have ever articulated this, but since you did, I have to admit that this is so true. And I think that is ok. There have been some mentors in my life that have served in this role and they have been so influential in encouraging me to pursue God's dreams for my life. And in retrospect, some of them did so despite my blatant immaturity. I thank God for those men regularly.