I'm gearing up to head to Haiti on Thursday. Can't say my mind is entirely there yet, but it will be soon enough.
This has been an insanely stressful week- lots of little things adding up, lots of pressure, not a lot of balance or self-care. We always talk about pastors burning out or flaming out because those are the ones that get the most attention. Me? Lately I've just been running out.
I get to that point where it's been too long since I've been inspired by new ideas, had a really good night's sleep, had time with God that moved beyond discipline and into life-giving. At that point it's not any one thing, just everything in general- and I feel like a car trying to move uphill on momentum alone- no gas, just slower and slower. Preaching begins to feel monotonous and like I'm just saying the same things over and over, there's a lack of creative ideas in anything I do, I know I need... something, but am too unfocused to name it or do it.
And that's where God's grace has been really apparent to me lately.
I've known for awhile that certain side-projects weren't really sustainable for me. I loved the extra income, but they were draining in ways I couldn't afford to be drained. Well, that's ended this week. Not sure how I'll replace the income, but for now, I feel free.
I stumbled through yesterday thinking- "This is as tired and stressed as I can ever remember having felt." And yet, I woke up this morning feeling light- not necessarily full of energy- not yet, but not weighed down either.
It's amazing how the math works- doing too much and so feeling too stressed? Do less. And if you won't choose that, maybe God will just begin to strip away.
I expect to be blogging a lot more again. I feel the energy and the need for it. Sorry for the long, long hiatus of not much happening here. Thanks for hanging in there (if you are still out there, reading this)...
Now to get to work for the week, nail stuff down church and family-wise before heading off to Haiti this Thursday.