bob.blog

What do you REALLY want?

An interesting thing happened to me on the way to church planting. 

I got offered a 70k a year job out of the blue. 

Before we felt drawn (or pushed... pushed probably fits better!) to plant a new community here in Portland, I had been sending out a lot of resumes. I knew it was time to get out of the media job I had been doing and back into pastoral ministry, and to that end I was putting out the feelers far and wide. But... I kept being number 2. It came down time and again to me and someone else, and yet in the end- always someone else.

At about that time, God really grabbed my attention. I was told my media job would be ending, and I'd have 3 months to figure out what came next. We had just bought a house, gotten pregnant... mild panic began to set in. 

I woke up one morning, and was laying in bed, resolving to redouble my efforts at resume-sending, when my beautiful wife opened her eyes and the first words out of her mouth were, "Well, we could sell the car, sell the house..."

"Don't worry," I said, "I don't think it will get that bad. I'm sure we'll find something."

"No," she said, "I mean, so we can plant a church! It's what you've always said you wanted to do."

Always said, and never really had the nerve to do. 

Until that day. That was the first of many conversations that day which God used to move me from "I need to send resumes out" to "We need to plant a church." October 27th, 2003. It was a big day. 

About a week later, I got a call, though. It was someone offering me a job. No thanks, I told him. We're going to plant a church. 70k? Uh... no, no... we're going to plant a church. Over the next couple of weeks I kept getting the same call, from the same guy. It was as though my resolve to plant just triggered something in him- "That's EXACTLY the kind of person we want for this position!" he told me repeatedly.

I'll confess- there were a few moments where I looked at my pregnant wife and thought- really? Wouldn't the wise thing be to take this job? 

As I prayed it through, I felt God pretty clearly putting the question to me: Do you really want to plant a church? All this stuff you have been saying about the people who are missing from the standard evangelical churches in Portland, all this about My kingdom, about presenting the Good News of Jesus in ways that people who aren't part of the church world can grab ahold of... Did you mean it? Because here's a simple way out if you didn't."

I meant it. We turned down the offer, stepped out and planted a church community. But I've since seen that scenario played out time and again with new church planters. It seems to be something of a motif in the way God often (not always, but often) works. 

And I saw it again today in a very similar question I heard. This morning, to be exact. 

We're now in year 7 of our community, the year I've been told marks something of a speed bump for church planters/new communities. The year it gets hard. The year you either endure or fold. 

For us, it looks like a general season of churn, hard conversations, an uphill battle to flag some lagging enthusiasm, a need to refocus on mission... And lots of fun conversations about finances. 

Oh yes. 

We've never missed a paycheck in 7 years or been unable to pay another of our pastors. We all either do work on the side or raise support, so none of us look to the community for 100% of our income, and yet- it's still the majority and very much needed. Last month, when we saw the trend we realized- we may not be able to make payroll. Further, our treasurer, the only one with a real detailed view into who gives (someone's gotta do those tax statements!) let us know- so far this year, only 56% of Evergreeners had given anything at all. The conversation that came out of us letting the community know both of those facts was hard, but very good. In the end, people stepped up and we were actually OVER what we ask for from the community for the first time this year. 

All good? Not exactly- Maybe everyone just moved their giving from this month back a couple weeks and gave early? In any case, we're severely under budget again. And worse, it seems only about 15% of our community pitched in financially this month. 

That number is disheartening on a number of levels. Besides the fact that I needed to let my wife know we may not get a full paycheck this month (our other staff will- I'll make sure of that), it's discouraging enough when combined with some other trends we've noticed to tempt someone to ask "Are we really all in this together? Do we care? Or are we just playing church?"

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, thinking about all of this- wondering what the answers to those questions were. As I lay there, I started praying "God, please... I want this thing we started to continue, to live on..."

And that's when I heard the familiar Voice: "Really? Why?" 

God was asking me- is this about building a church? An institution? Or is it about something, or Someone, else? All this stuff you have been saying about the people who are missing from the standard evangelical churches in Portland, all this about My kingdom, about presenting the Good News of Jesus in ways that people who aren't part of the church world can grab ahold of... Do you mean it?

And that's when I realized God had brought me full circle. 

Here in year seven, I feel God pretty clearly asking me- What do you really want? What's it about for you? 

I believe in church- but church isn't an end to itself. I want a paycheck this month, but I'm not going to start looking at the pastor porn of Ministry Job Boards and dreaming about other places where things might be more predictable. For me, Evergreen is a means to an end, and the end is Jesus. 

Here's what I really want: I want Jesus. I know church comes with Him (it is His body and bride after all), but first and foremost, I want Jesus. I want Evergreen to go on, not for my sake, but for His- and for the sake of those He is loving into the kingdom through our community. And that means I never get to pastor the fully committed, already mature and stable community that, in my weaker moments I daydream about. I'll always, to one extent or another, be dealing with questions like this, because I'll always be working to move hearts and minds (including my own) from places of immaturity towards growth and greater depth of commitment to Jesus and one another. 

So I'll ride this one out however long this "speedbump" time lasts. Where else would I go? What else would I do? For as long as God allows me, I'm on this ride, helping to lead this community, pointing our church towards loving each other, loving the city of Portland and loving Jesus... because it's the best way I know, given my gifts and callings, and until I hear otherwise, to serve Him. 

It's the Dad Life...

Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

I'm giving away two tickets to Catalyst One Day Seattle in August...

Catalyst ONE DAY Seattle (August 26th) is a one day Christian leadership event with Andy Stanley & Craig Groeschel. The topic is Momentum: what is it? how do you get it? how do you keep it?

Andy & Craig will be sharing practical strategies and personal examples that have helped them gain momentum in their churches. Also, there will be several sessions of Q&A. It's being pitched as a great opportunity for you/your team to gain some practical insight on creating and sustaining momentum in your organization, especially in light of the current economic crisis.

I've never been to a Catalyst event as it didn't seem especially like "my tribe." But I think I'm going to check this one out since it's so close... AND since they are giving me a ticket!! :) I imagine I won't buy everything I hear... but there's value in listening to voices that come from different perspectives and this is definitely a different perspective. And who knows- maybe I'll come back and want to change EVERYTHING at Evergreen (totally kidding). 

Catalyst One Day from Catalyst on Vimeo.

The folks at Catalyst are putting on this event. They gave me two tickets to give away to readers of this blog, so here we go:

HERE’S HOW TO WIN:

1. TWEET THIS: “Giving away 2 tickets to Catalyst ONE DAY Seattle. Comment & RT to enter http://bit.ly/7usxeg”
2. COMMENT BELOW: with your twitter name (so I can verify you did step 1) and a good or an awful leadership book you've read (just for fun- make sure you tell us whether you thought the book you mention was good or awful!)
3. At 5PM PST TODAY: I’ll randomly choose two entrants below to win 1 ticket each!

Malcolm Muggeridge on the One

"We look back upon history, and what do we see? Empires rising and falling, revolutions and counterrevolutions, wealth accumulated and wealth disbursed. Shakespeare has written of the rise and fall of great ones, that ebb and flow with the moon.

I look back upon my own fellow countrymen (Great Britain), once upon a time dominating a quarter of the world, most of them convinced, in the words of what is still a popular song, that ‘the God who made them mighty, shall make them mightier yet.’

I’ve heard a crazed, cracked Austrian (Hitler) announce to the world the establishment of a Reich that would last a thousand years. I have seen an Italian clown (Mussolini) say he was going to stop and restart the calendar with his own ascension to power. I’ve heard a murderous Georgian brigand in the Kremlin (Stalin), acclaimed by the intellectual elite of the world as being wiser than Solomon, more humane than Marcus Aurelius, more enlightened than Ashoka.

I have seen America wealthier and, in terms of military weaponry, more powerful than the rest of the world put together–so that had the American people so desired, they could have outdone a Caesar, or an Alexander in the range and scale of their conquests.

All in one lifetime, all in one lifetime, all gone! Gone with the wind!

England, now part of a tiny island off the coast of Europe, threatened with dismemberment and even bankruptcy. Hitler and Mussolini dead, remembered only in infamy. Stalin a forbidden name in the regime he helped found and dominate for some three decades. America haunted by fears of running out of those precious fluids that keeps their motorways roaring, and the smog settling, with troubled memories of a disastrous campaign in Vietnam, and the victories of the Don Quixote’s of the media as they charged the windmills of Watergate.

All in one lifetime, all in one lifetime, all gone! Gone with the wind!

Behind the debris of these solemn supermen, and self-styled imperial diplomatists, there stands the gigantic figure of One: because of whom, by whom, in whom, and through whom alone, mankind may still have peace–the person of Jesus Christ.

I present him as the way, the truth, and the life. Do you know Him?"

- Malcolm Muggeridge (ht)

Tanned, rested and ready...

I feel a little silly writing this as this morning in particular I'm tired out- but that has more to do with not sleeping well last night (oh, Sunday night, my old nemesis) than a general disposition.
In general, I'm doing fantastically, largely as a result of feeling like the burnout I was in imminent danger of experiencing this spring has been staved off. I've rested more, prayed more, taken more successive vacation days in the last couple of months than at any time in the previous 6 years... Just generally listened to the warning signs in my heart and soul and put the brakes on.
The result? I feel a little less on top of things/organized than I'd like to be, but ready, over the next couple of months, to begin to put together some things I've been hoping and dreaming about for our community. Some of those things include a rhythm of spiritual life that we'd like to invite people who are ready for such a thing into, a fleshed-out and renewed emphasis on home communities for those who need it, a complete reworking of the materials that tell curious people about our community... Along with some other things I'll hopefully be able to talk about later.

All in all, I'm incredibly grateful to God for helping me push past a really difficult time, giving me the endurance I needed and still need, and especially for giving me such a great community to serve as Evergreen.

Elyse Fitzpatrick on how the Gospel can make a practical difference

Elyse Fitzpatrick was one of my high school Bible teachers. Of course, she was just "Mrs Fitz" to us then, not the well-known author writing books and getting posted on the Gospel Coalition website! Back then I was the budding 5 Point Calvinist and she my main theological sparring partner. We seem to have crossed each other though as I've very much moderated my youthful Calvin obsession ("I am a C... I am a CA... I am a CALVINIST, and I have CALVIN in my HEART...") and she's now heating up the Reformed blogoshpere. At any rate, one thing we can now wholeheartedly agree on is how the Gospel makes a real difference even in our every day life. Her example here is extremely mundane, and I doubt that I'd necessarily unpack things to this depth in the Grocery store, but it's a great rundown of how the Gospel can and should make a difference for us at some of the harder moments in life.

Briefly, here’s how the whole gospel message might impact me when I’m struggling with my own unbelief, idolatry and sin: Let’s say that I’ve got company coming over for dinner and I realize that I’m running low on table salt. I calculate the time I need to get to the store, get the salt and get home so that I can be a gracious, organized hostess (idols everywhere here). I jump in my car, race up to the store, grab the salt and run to the Quick Check Out line only to find myself stuck behind another woman who obviously didn’t read the “10 Items or Less” sign. Instantly I’m angry and then, because I know that my anger is sinful, I feel guilty and then, because I remember all the times I’ve failed like this, I despair. Now, what are my options?

Read the rest of a very cool article here

Yesterday I preached myself...

"Yesterday I preached myself, and the scholars came and praised me. Today I preached Christ, and the sinners came and thanked me."- Bernard of Clairvaux

6 things you never want to hear your pastor say...

(I found this note in an old file of blog ideas. I honestly can't remember if this is original, or if I found it somewhere else or what. Google was no help to me. So, if this is yours, thanks!)

6 things you never want to hear your pastor say...

6. "And because it illustrates my point so well, just one more story about my kids..."

5. "For the last time, the money was just *resting* in my account!"

4. "If you'll open your Bibles to the book of Lamentations..." 

3. "I saw the most amazing thing at this conference last month and I've been thinking..."

2. "Now, point 18, and don't worry- I only have a few more..." 

1. "Hi... it's Pastor. I know it's late, but... I need someone to come bail me out."

Forget everything except...

"For I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified." -St Paul, 1 Cor 2:2

 For me, the last few years of thinking, praying and preaching have largely been an exercise in coming to grips with this thought: forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified.

Like many who started off in evangelicalism and especially in youth ministry, the trap of seeing preaching/teaching/pastoring as largely a matter of helping pretty good people become slightly better people is one I fell into face first. For me, it was about "How God Wants Us To Live." The Bible was the Handbook for living and my job was to help people understand what God wanted them to do. 

Oh, sure- there was something about Jesus in there. It's like He was the ticket in to the dance, but it was really all about how you moved and what you did once you were IN.

And I was constantly surprised when that moralistic do-better message failed to capture anyone's heart or move anyone to anything beyond incremental change. My efforts seemed to produce not a group of people so captured by an overwhelming love for a Savior who would lay down His all for them that they would lay down their all for Him, but rather groups of (interestingly enough) slightly guilty, slightly self-satisfied religious people who always berated themselves for not doing better and salved that guilt with the thought that at least they were doing better than those people. Who "those people" were changed over the years. First it was the Catholics, then "liberals" (anyone to the left of us), then finally as this all took on a slightly emergent sheen, "evangelicals" or "fundamentalists" (anyone to the right of us).

At the peak of my frustration with all of this, I was introduced to Tim Keller. As a recovering Calvinist, I was at first a bit leery of the Presbyterian pastor from New York. But in the same way that CS Lewis speaks so well to the secular skeptic, I think Keller speaks to those skeptical of Reformed theology- those who don't want to end up like so many of the bitter Calvinist trolls who seem to populate the corners of the internet. 

At any rate, his assertion that the Bible is not about YOU, but rather about Jesus, about the story of God's redemption and Redeemer was game changing for me. 

Suddenly, my role was not to tell people how to be like various Bible heroes (who really weren't all that heroic if we're going to be honest) and how to do better/more, but to do what Scripture actually did- point them to Jesus, always and only, let their hearts and minds be moved by the Good News of what God has done for them in Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to take that heart movement and alchemize it into Christ-likeness in their lives individually and communally. 

Practically speaking, this means I approach texts (even head-scratching ones from the OT) with the basic questions of "How does this point us to Jesus?" and how does the Gospel answer the questions that people will be asking around this text/issue? We always end up back where we need to be: At Jesus and what He's done for us, and though we often get to what we need to do as a response, the first thing we always need to do is see how His work on our behalf is enough- how Jesus Christ crucified is the answer that leads to all the other answers. 

So that means answering practical questions about things like self-image, success, money, sex with some variation of "Until you are freed from your need for success, a failure you will remain." That is, until we see that in Jesus and His righteous life and sacrificial death imputed to us we have what we need, we will always struggle. As long as we look to other things (in biblical language: idols) to save us and until we put our hope in the only One strong enough to bear it, we'll continue to live lives of either overt unhappiness or, even should we largely get what we are striving for, an undercurrent of "is this all there is"?  

And thus change happens, individually and communally, not when we try harder to do better, but when we are able to lay down the need to do for ourselves what God wants to do for us in Christ, all our little self-salvation projects, and lean more and more into and onto Jesus.

The challenge, on an individual level (and speaking personally, it IS a challenge) is to live this. And on a leadership level to creatively move to this through all my counseling, preaching, teaching. To find 100 different ways to say the same thing. Honestly, I think I've got maybe 5 (some who listen to me preach regularly might think that generous). I need more. 

But... I think I finally know what Paul meant when he said "I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified." My job isn't to help people understand what God wants them to do. My job is to help them see, understand and be moved by what God has already done. That's the difference between good advice and Good News. Out of that, as they follow the One who has captured their heart, God will speak and I can help them listen, process and respond appropriately- but it all flows first and foremost from the ground of how God is redeeming us and the world through the work of Jesus on our behalf. 

Coaching, Blogging and Pastoring... Oh My.

 Hey blog readers... long time not so much see. 

As you can probably tell, I'm back to trying to blog regularly. I appreciate very much those of you who have hung in there as readers over the last 1 1/2 or 2 years of "sparcity" here at the bob.blog. For a long time I blogged pretty fiendishly- and then I didn't. Call it a combination of getting my "expression" needs met by twitter/facebook and maybe a certain amount of taking a healthy step back and deep breath. I think in many ways I needed to sort out what it was my blog was meant to do for me, what I was asking it to do for me, and maybe break a little bit (or a lot) of the hold that stats, readership, ht's and trackbacks all had on my heart. 

In other words, I think I got to a point where I needed to write in this and other venues for all the wrong reasons. 

I can't guarantee I've got all that sorted out- but I do think it's time to re-engage. I feel myself stultifying a bit, and without the verbal process and discipline of writing regularly, I fear brain atrophy will just get worse and worse. 

But even beyond having something to say (or maybe I should say wanting to have something to say), writing is a skill I want to re-engage and re-energize. Sharpening my thoughts and boiling them down to a readable prose has had a lot of crossover benefit both in my verbal communication, my preaching, and in my thinking in general. 

Another reason I slowed down the blogging so substantially was that I had started up an Amazon book-selling business. Over the last few years, Amazon has provided a nice side income for me and my family and allowed me to indulge in what is really my only hobby- Apple products! 

But as great as selling used books on Amazon was, it tended to take up all the time that used to go to creativity, writing and generally engaging with the outside world. For better or for worse I'm stepping away from the book selling thing and simultaneously hoping my writing output can ramp up again. I even want to start working seriously on a couple of book projects I've been kicking around for awhile.

Of course, no amazon business means a hit in income- so I'm also trying to do some things that dovetail better with ministry and won't prove to be as distracting/consuming for me as book-selling was. 

To that end, over the last year I've been getting training in coaching church planters and beginning to develop a client list. In our 7th year of pastoring the church we planted here in Portland, I finally feel like I've reached a place where I have some good insight to share with newer church planters as well as the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut and allow the coaching process to do its thing. A nice combination AND a hard balance :)

I have a couple of spots left on my client list, so if you are interested in coaching, even if you are not a church planter, let me know- I think I would work best with those in ministry, but believe me- a good coach  (which I aspire to become) can coach anyone because it's not a telling/content thing but rather a process of helping people to figure out some things and then giving them the encouragement and support to help them do it. 

At any rate, my desire, if I can be candid, is to be able to earn enough through that and some other side venues that I can take a pay-cut from Evergreen. While I believe wholeheartedly that the worker is worthy of his or her wage, this community feels like my child in many ways- and the constant worry over meeting budget is something I want to try to do something about... I feel as though if I'm able to replace 1/4-1/2 of my salary, that will go a long way. 

That's the update! See you in the blog-o-sphere.

My Blog is STILL in the Top 50??

How is it possible that after this long a period of letting my blog go untended, it is STILL on the list of top blogs in the Christianity category (at least according to this ranking)? 

 Well, I'm back to blogging anyway. Wonder if I can manage to leapfrog Ed Stetzer's blog?? :)

Solitude

“The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone—that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.” -Nikolai Tesla

"Thank You for all we do for You."

My four year-old daughter Jane is a theologian of surprising insight. Case in point- her reworking of familiar prayers into postmodern homages to man's insatiable desire to control the divine. 

 For example, her rendering of the Lord's Prayer (this is actually how she prays it): 

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, 

Hallowed be my name 

My kingdom come 

My will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 

Give us this day our daily bread 

And forgive us trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. 

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some evil... "

And so on. 

Brilliant! 

 Also, last night's dinner prayer was especially penetrating: "Dear Jesus, thank You for this food and also for all we do for You..." 

 In all seriousness, I think more often than we'd like to admit, even if it doesn't come out consciously, this is still our attitude, isn't it?

"I'm awful!" and "I'm awesome!" BOTH miss the point...

"Pharisee-type believers unconsciously think they have earned God’s blessing through their behavior. Guilt-laden believers  are quite sure they have forfeited God’s blessing through their lack of discipline or their disobedience. Both have forgotten the meaning of grace because they have moved away from the gospel and have slipped into a performance relationship with God…Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace." -Jerry Bridges

The Pleasure of An Imperfect Community

It's been one of the great joys and pleasures of my life to plant and help pastor the Evergreen Community- not because it's a perfect community, but because it's not.

It's in our "in-processness" that God most shows up (the way the apostle Paul put it is "His grace is perfected in our weakness.") In those moments when we are not the community we hope to be, when our patience with each other is short, when we are struggling just to show up, much less to serve each other- that's when we 1. realize how much we need Jesus and 2. stop leaning on our own coolness and ability to put together a rad community and start crying out to God to show up and make something Kingdom-like in our midst.

Yeah- we're going to annoy the crap out of each other. You are going to hear some bad sermons. Someone will say something stupid on the City or even to your face. People will forget your birthday and occasionally not show up when you need them. It's how community works because it's how life works. But what's present in community that is so often missing from life is... Grace. The very thing that seems to flower and bloom not in our successes but in our failures.

I don't say any of this to encourage you to fail each other or to take community as anything less than the serious commitment it needs to be. BUT- I do hope that in those moments when the sting of friction or restlessness or dissatisfaction seems most potent, you will begin to process it all with the question: what would it look like for the grace of God to show up here? And how should that change my response to this frustration?

Learning from the hard parts of life (and community!) doesn't happen automatically. It takes great intention on our part. The intention to see Jesus even in the crappiest parts of life and ask God: "What do You want to do here?"
And then listen.