Two basic types of pastoral disfunction- the narcissist and the co-dependent. We all lean one way or the other on that continuum- some so little it's not really an issue, others, well...
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Do you allow multi-tasking at staff meetings?
I'm seriously considering a no-multitasking rule at staff meetings. And if I have to make staff meetings pen and paper only to do it, I just may.
Why?
This is from Tim Ferris' blog. Josh Waitzkin (the subject of the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer) is describing a trip back to hear the last lecture of a favorite college professor...
"A few weeks ago, I returned to the classroom of Dennis Dalton, the most important college professor of my life. From the back of an amphitheater seating several hundred students, I realized how much things had evolved at Columbia and Barnard. The lecture hall was now equipped with a wireless sound system, webcams, video projectors, wireless internet. Students were using computers to record the lecture and to take notes. Heads were buried in screens, the tap tap of hundreds of keyboards like rain on the roof.
On this afternoon, April 16, 2008, Dalton was describing the satyagraha of Mahatma Gandhi, building the discussion around the Amritsar massacre in 1919, when British colonial soldiers opened fire on 10,000 unarmed Indian men, women and children trapped in Jallianwala Bagh Garden. For 39 years, Professor Dalton has been inspiring Columbia and Barnard students with his two semester political theory series that introduces undergrads to the ideas of Gandhi, Thoreau, Mill, Malcolm X, King, Plato, Lao Tzu. His lectures are about themes, connections between disparate minds, the powerful role of the individual in shaping our world.
Dalton is a life changer, and this was one of his last lectures before retirement.
Over the course of a riveting 75-minute discussion of the birth of Gandhian non-violent activism, I found myself becoming increasingly distressed as I watched students cruising Facebook, checking out the NY Times, editing photo collections, texting, reading People Magazine, shopping for jeans, dresses, sweaters, and shoes on Ebay, Urban Outfitters and J. Crew, reorganizing their social calendars, emailing on Gmail and AOL, playing solitaire, doing homework for other classes, chatting on AIM, and buying tickets on Expedia (I made a list because of my disbelief). From my perspective in the back of the room, while Dalton vividly described desperate Indian mothers throwing their children into a deep well to escape the barrage of bullets, I noticed that a girl in front of me was putting her credit card information into Urban Outfitters.com. She had finally found her shoes!"
If you think people couldn't possibly listen and learn to a college professor under those circumstances, why would your staff meeting be any different?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Busyness... or Gluttony?
“A paradox has emerged in this new millennium: people have enhanced
quality of life, but at the same time they are adding to their stress
levels by taking on more than they have resources to handle. It's as though their eyes were bigger than their stomachs."
- David Allen, Getting Things Done
It's more than likely that you've heard a message, read a book, or done some thinking about "busyness" in the last year or two. Slightly less likely, but still entirely possible that you've heard a message, read a book, or done some thinking on "gluttony" during the same time.
It's highly unlikely that the two were connected, however. And maybe they should have been.
Why do we say yes to so much? Is it because we are guilt-ridden, co-dependent angst monkeys who lack the willpower to say no?
Nah-
we say to a million things a day. Usually to things that are good for
us, but still... When we want to, we know how to say no just fine,
thank you.
Is it because we have a drive towards self justification that works itself out in our work and an ever-increasing load of commitments through which we seek to earn the favor of others and God? In part, yes...
But maybe, it also has something to do with our appetites?
You know, our appetites for recognition and "importance." To be liked, appreciated, admired... Even our appetite to "get things done."
And honestly, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. But like all things in this broken world, left unchecked by the Spirit and unsubmitted to God, our appetite to be liked and our appetite to achieve will run out of control.
I've been thinking about busyness as though it's a problem to be managed- increase my productivity and I could, of course, accept and do more commitments, more on my plate... more to feed my ego.
Maybe the problem with busyness isn't it. Maybe it's me. Me and my ego and pride.
Conceived of this way, busyness isn't an issue of time management and productivity, it's an issue of desire. When is enough, enough? When am I doing enough good things through which that God-given desire to feel productive and useful in this world can be fulfilled? When do I cross the line between finding satisfaction in the good day's work I put in and trying to find my identity through an ever-increasing load of ego-enhancing commitments?
Don't get me wrong- I want to continue to work on productivity/time
management and all the rest. But until I work through the inner issues
of why I try to do so much, all the productivity hacks in the word
really just add up to enabling.
In other words, most days I
don't need any more help being productive or managing the stress of
work. I think I need help in managing my appetite for applause and the stress of opportunity.
I fear my busyness is simply a sign of my gluttony.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Value...
Some wisdom from Tim Ferris, author of the 4-Hour Work Week:
Once you realize that you can turn off the noise without the world ending, you’re liberated in a way that few people ever know.
Just remember: if you don’t have attention, you don’t have time. Did I have time to check e-mail and voicemail? Sure. It might take 10 minutes. Did I have the attention to risk fishing for crises in those 10 minutes? Not at all.
As tempting as it is to “just check e-mail for one minute,” I didn’t do it. I know from experience that any problem found in the inbox will linger on the brain for hours or days after you shut-down the computer, rendering “free time” useless with preoccupation. It’s the worst of states, where you experience neither relaxation nor productivity. Be focused on work or focused on something else, never in-between.
Time without attention is worthless, so value attention over time.
Read the rest here
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
It's okay to disconnect...
Memo to self: It's okay to disconnect.
You don't have to answer the phone. They'll leave a message. In fact, you are under no legal obligation to even have the phone on. Go ahead. Turn it off for a bit.
You don't have to have your email program/Outlook/Entourage/whatever open all the time.
You don't have to be in touch 24-7. Remember when going to the beach or the mountains for the day meant actually going to the beach or the mountains? You were out of reach. You checked messages when you got home. Didn't that feel good?
But people today have been conditioned by instant communication to expect instant replies. Maybe it's time to start conditioning them differently?
BlackBelt Productivity has a great run down on some ways to turn off and drop out, even if it's just in bits and pieces, and begin to get some sanity back...
We all know that the information that is available to us is growing exponentially. We are being engaged through email, cell phones, and IM. The number of decisions that we have to make each day is growing. It seems we are all living life in fast-forward.
So how so we break away and get some solitude?
1. Limit your availability.
- It is ok to turn off the cell phone and computer for a while. In spite of popular opinion…turning off your electronic gadgets will not cause a part of you to die.
2. Limit distractions
Set boundaries for distractions
- Check email at set times. Turn of email notifications. Feel free to use an “out of office” to inform others of your email times.
- Only watch preplanned television. Plan ahead (with your family if need be) what you will watch. Do not just surf channels.
- Don’t just surf the internet. Have a purpose when you are online.
- Use commute time (if you commute) to think and reflect.
Click here to read the rest...
Friday, October 26, 2007
How to survive brutal criticism...
At some point in your pastoral career, you will take a couple of punches squarely to the gut.
How does a man or woman weather the slings and arrows of outrageous congregants and keep standing?
First, we recognize our call as a fallen human to serve Jesus by pastoring other fallen humans. Knowing that beforehand can make a huge difference in both experiencing the grace of God as a shepherd of hurting people (who sometimes hurt people) and in giving grace to those folks as well...
There are also some good attitude hacks we can use.
From Lifehack.org comes some good, good suggestions on how to survive brutal criticism:
Honesty is a Good Thing, Here’s How to Survive It
Here are some tips for surviving the floods of good intentions that might crash upon your ego:
- Balance Yourself - The salience effect is a cognitive bias where we tend to focus on the most recent or memorable piece of information, ignoring the collective. Whenever you get a piece of criticism, you need to balance it by recognizing that this is just one tiny critique out of all feedback. Don’t exaggerate it’s impact on who you are.
- Get Them to Focus on Behavior - If you are in the middle of an evaluation, try directing the person onto your specific behaviors, not you. Tell them you are interested in hearing their suggestions and ask for positive ideas for improving your methods.
- There is No Absolute Feedback - Part of the sting comes from converting feedback, which is entirely relative, into absolutes. If someone told a stand-up comedian he wasn’t funny after a show, that would probably mean he wasn’t as funny as other comedians that person likes. It doesn’t mean he is objectively, the most unfunny person who ever existed.
- It’s Opinion, Not Fact - The only benefit of feedback is if it illuminates weaknesses or strengths you suspected but hadn’t realized. You always have the option to disagree with criticism.
- Don’t Ask for Honesty When You Want Support
Read the rest here
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Cell Sin...
"This past summer I enjoyed some great vacation time with my wife of fifteen years, Grace, and our five children. We went to the high desert and spent most of our time enjoying the sunshine by playing catch, swimming in pools, inner tubing down rivers, going for walks and the like. For the first time in my life, I actually did not turn on my cell phone and did not take any calls or emails while on vacation. I made it a full three weeks of fasting from digital demons such as my BlackBerry, iPod, and second cell phone. Within a few days I also stopped wearing a watch and stopped really caring about time and instead enjoyed my wife, kids, and vacation. In short, it was wonderful. Unplugging my technology and simply having nothing on my body that required a battery seemed like a new kind of spiritual discipline for our age that refreshed and renewed me more than I could have imagined."
and
"I know in years past I too have been guilty of these same digital sins against God, my family, and my own well-being. Now that I see it as a sin that destroys silence, solitude, fellowship, prayerful listening, and meaningfully and attentive friendship, I am deeply convicted that there is a new spiritual discipline of fasting from technology to be mastered. In this way, we can enjoy the life and people that God puts in front of us rather than ignoring them while we peck away with our thumbs and chat about nothing, which in the end is rarely as important as the people we are ignoring all around us."
Read the rest here
How to Accept Criticism with Grace and Appreciation
From ZenHabits:
"Every day, I get emails and comments that are amazingly positive and encouraging, and in truth these messages are the very thing that sustains my blogging. However, I also get negative comments now and then: criticism of my writing, and not nice criticism either.
How do you deal with criticism? I think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves, or worse yet to lash back.
And yet, while criticism can be taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve."
Read the rest here
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