PastorHacks

the Co-Dependent Pastor...

Two basic types of pastoral disfunction- the narcissist and the co-dependent. We all lean one way or the other on that continuum- some so little it's not really an issue, others, well...

The need to succeed or the need to please and avoid conflict. 

The narcissist, with his or her need to succeed really doesn't care what others think. When these people leave ministry, it's because they are driven out. Their self-centeredness and inability to empathize/think of others often looks for all the world like a person with vision and leadership charisma- someone who knows what needs to be done and does it. Unfortunately, when the truth becomes known, it's usually after people begin to see the long, long trail of metaphorical bodies that get left in the wake of these people- years of stepping on and over people may get you up the ladder, but sooner or later the toll becomes obvious and either the narcissist leaves or everyone else begins to. 

On the other side is the co-dependent. Helping professions are ripe soil for people who need others to help them establish a sense of identity... and the pastorate is no exception. It's a job where I can be fully and completely co-dependent and get rewarded for it. In fact, the more sold out the pastor is to you and your needs, the more he or she is (often) praised. The narcissist doesn't mind conflict- in fact, they kind of enjoy it. Another chance to focus attention on them and their leadership skills, but the co-dependent is motivated by the need for others' approval and will avoid even necessary conflict whenever possible. 

The narcissist needs empathy and what they do must begin to be motivated more and more by the needs of others, not just their own. In other words, they need to care more about what other people think.  

So, is the corollary true? Does that mean the co-dependent needs to care less about what other people think?

Continue reading "the Co-Dependent Pastor..." »

Friday, August 15, 2008 in attitude hacks, general, health, leadership, people, the art of pastoring | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Highrise

For the last year, I've been using 37 Signals' Highrise. It's an online contact management system that allows me to keep information about contacts and my (and others') interactions with them all in one place.

Basically, I felt the need for this after realizing that 
1. I was forgetting too many vital details in the lives of people in my church community and
2. I was spending too much time spinning my wheels trying to remember "Now, what did we talk about last time???" before meeting with someone.

With Highrise, and simply taking a few minutes to record pertinent info after a significant conversation or meeting, the details are captured and can be reviewed when needed.

Now, clearly, all of this can happen in Address Book/Outlook/whatever. The beauty of Highrise is that it lives online and can be shared among elders and leaders. Now, I don't have to ask my associate pastor to recap every coffee/meeting with people I want to keep current on. I can just check out Highrise and read the notes.

And I don't write EVERYTHING in there. Just stuff that is appropriate/needful for other pastors/elders to see.

Check it out- there's a free plan that allows up to two separate users. You can upgrade as well, though you probably can work around the two-user limit. 

Here's a write-up of how one pastor uses Highrise...

Pastor uses Highrise to keep track of interactions with his congregation

Rev. Andrew Conard, Pastor of Congregational Care at The United Methodist Church, writes in: "I have found Highrise to be an excellent way to keep track of interactions that I have with members and visitors to the congregation both in the hospital, in appointments, at worship and around town. Highrise has become an integral part of my task of providing the best possible care for each person."

Read the rest

Thursday, July 03, 2008 in meetings, organization helps, people | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Monday, May 05, 2008

Prayer list anytime via Jott/Sandy

David Rudd sent me this...

"I've used Jott (everyone should use Jott)and Sandy (my church can't afford a secretary for me, so i have a virtual one) to create a highly functional prayer list which can be updated from anywhere and quickly accessed via email.

Anytime I have a prayer request to add, I use my phone to Jott Sandy (use Jott links to set this up) and simply say "remind me to pray for _________"  then I add the tag "@prayer".
I can also email sandy with the information, the key is always to add the tag "@prayer."

Whenever I sit down to pray, or if I want to review my prayer list, I send Sandy an email saying, "lookup @prayer"

BAM!

She emails me my entire prayer list!

(if I wanted to, I could set up a dummy Gmail address which would forward all emails to Sandy with the tag "@prayer."  then I could tell people to email their requests to me whenever they want.  I haven't done this yet, though...)

Monday, May 05, 2008 in contacting, organization helps, people, you and your computer | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Friday, February 15, 2008

THUMP

One of the hardest parts about pastoring is dealing with volunteers. You know, really nice, well-meaning people who volunteer their time to do things for the church... and sometimes do it poorly, or worse, irresponsibly (as in, only intermittently or not at all). What to do, what to do???

From Lifehack.org- here's Five Ways to Deal with Irresponsible People (THUMP!):

Yep, we’ve all been there. Whether it’s a co-worker, a family member, or even a close friend, we’ve all had to deal with people whose stark irresponsibility causes anger, annoyance, and even chaos everywhere they go.

These individuals are constantly late, they don’t follow instructions, they miss appointments, they forget to call, they make drastically uninformed decisions, and they just generally create negativity and angst for the rest of us.

Here are five great ways for dealing with these annoying people, and the very appropriate acronym to help you remember these tips is T.H.U.M.P!

Tell them - Believe it or not, many people who are chronically irresponsible don’t realize the depth of the chaos that they leave in their wake. It’s not up to us to teach and train the masses about how to be responsible members of society, but that doesn’t mean we can’t point out that they have caused a problem due to their irresponsible behavior. If they get upset about it, that is probably because they know that you’re right, and no one likes to face the fact that they screwed up.

Have a back up plan - Despite your best efforts to tell certain people about their less than savory personality traits, some people are just going to be irresponsible no matter what you do. Your only recourse then is to have a plan in place for whenever they live up to your expectations of them. Whenever you are involved in any dealings with these people, you can think positive about the outcome - and maybe that will come to pass - but you should also plan for that person to drop the ball. By having a back up plan in place long before this person has a chance to cause an issue, you’ll save yourself and everyone involved a lot of headaches.

Undermine their involvement - Sometimes the best defense is a smashing offense! If your favorite irresponsible person is going to cause problems despite your best efforts, simply remove them from the equation. Make plans without telling them. Fill their normal slot in your endeavors with someone else before they get a chance to get involved. Keep a tight lid on the details about your upcoming adventures. Even if the irresponsible person finds out, that doesn’t mean that you need to suddenly gush about all of the details, thus allowing them to possibly slip in at the last minute.

Make them an offer - When all else fails, turn to bribery!

Read the rest here

Friday, February 15, 2008 in people | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

For the last year, I've been using 37 Signals' Highrise. It's an online contact management system that allows me to keep information about contacts and my (and others') interactions with them all in one place.

Basically, I felt the need for this after realizing that 
1. I was forgetting too many vital details in the lives of people in my church community and
2. I was spending too much time spinning my wheels trying to remember "Now, what did we talk about last time???" before meeting with someone.

With Highrise, and simply taking a few minutes to record pertinent info after a significant conversation or meeting, the details are captured and can be reviewed when needed.

Now, clearly, all of this can happen in Address Book/Outlook/whatever. The beauty of Highrise is that it lives online and can be shared among elders and leaders. Now, I don't have to ask my associate pastor to recap every coffee/meeting with people I want to keep current on. I can just check out Highrise and read the notes.

And I don't write EVERYTHING in there. Just stuff that is appropriate/needful for other pastors/elders to see.

Check it out- there's a free plan that allows up to two separate users. You can upgrade as well, though you probably can work around the two-user limit. 

Here's a write-up of how one pastor uses Highrise...

Pastor uses Highrise to keep track of interactions with his congregation

Rev. Andrew Conard, Pastor of Congregational Care at The United Methodist Church, writes in: "I have found Highrise to be an excellent way to keep track of interactions that I have with members and visitors to the congregation both in the hospital, in appointments, at worship and around town. Highrise has become an integral part of my task of providing the best possible care for each person."

Read the rest

David Rudd sent me this...

"I've used Jott (everyone should use Jott)and Sandy (my church can't afford a secretary for me, so i have a virtual one) to create a highly functional prayer list which can be updated from anywhere and quickly accessed via email.

Anytime I have a prayer request to add, I use my phone to Jott Sandy (use Jott links to set this up) and simply say "remind me to pray for _________"  then I add the tag "@prayer".
I can also email sandy with the information, the key is always to add the tag "@prayer."

Whenever I sit down to pray, or if I want to review my prayer list, I send Sandy an email saying, "lookup @prayer"

BAM!

She emails me my entire prayer list!

(if I wanted to, I could set up a dummy Gmail address which would forward all emails to Sandy with the tag "@prayer."  then I could tell people to email their requests to me whenever they want.  I haven't done this yet, though...)

One of the hardest parts about pastoring is dealing with volunteers. You know, really nice, well-meaning people who volunteer their time to do things for the church... and sometimes do it poorly, or worse, irresponsibly (as in, only intermittently or not at all). What to do, what to do???

From Lifehack.org- here's Five Ways to Deal with Irresponsible People (THUMP!):

Yep, we’ve all been there. Whether it’s a co-worker, a family member, or even a close friend, we’ve all had to deal with people whose stark irresponsibility causes anger, annoyance, and even chaos everywhere they go.

These individuals are constantly late, they don’t follow instructions, they miss appointments, they forget to call, they make drastically uninformed decisions, and they just generally create negativity and angst for the rest of us.

Here are five great ways for dealing with these annoying people, and the very appropriate acronym to help you remember these tips is T.H.U.M.P!

Tell them - Believe it or not, many people who are chronically irresponsible don’t realize the depth of the chaos that they leave in their wake. It’s not up to us to teach and train the masses about how to be responsible members of society, but that doesn’t mean we can’t point out that they have caused a problem due to their irresponsible behavior. If they get upset about it, that is probably because they know that you’re right, and no one likes to face the fact that they screwed up.

Have a back up plan - Despite your best efforts to tell certain people about their less than savory personality traits, some people are just going to be irresponsible no matter what you do. Your only recourse then is to have a plan in place for whenever they live up to your expectations of them. Whenever you are involved in any dealings with these people, you can think positive about the outcome - and maybe that will come to pass - but you should also plan for that person to drop the ball. By having a back up plan in place long before this person has a chance to cause an issue, you’ll save yourself and everyone involved a lot of headaches.

Undermine their involvement - Sometimes the best defense is a smashing offense! If your favorite irresponsible person is going to cause problems despite your best efforts, simply remove them from the equation. Make plans without telling them. Fill their normal slot in your endeavors with someone else before they get a chance to get involved. Keep a tight lid on the details about your upcoming adventures. Even if the irresponsible person finds out, that doesn’t mean that you need to suddenly gush about all of the details, thus allowing them to possibly slip in at the last minute.

Make them an offer - When all else fails, turn to bribery!

Read the rest here

Highrise

For the last year, I've been using 37 Signals' Highrise. It's an online contact management system that allows me to keep information about contacts and my (and others') interactions with them all in one place.

Basically, I felt the need for this after realizing that 
1. I was forgetting too many vital details in the lives of people in my church community and
2. I was spending too much time spinning my wheels trying to remember "Now, what did we talk about last time???" before meeting with someone.

With Highrise, and simply taking a few minutes to record pertinent info after a significant conversation or meeting, the details are captured and can be reviewed when needed.

Now, clearly, all of this can happen in Address Book/Outlook/whatever. The beauty of Highrise is that it lives online and can be shared among elders and leaders. Now, I don't have to ask my associate pastor to recap every coffee/meeting with people I want to keep current on. I can just check out Highrise and read the notes.

And I don't write EVERYTHING in there. Just stuff that is appropriate/needful for other pastors/elders to see.

Check it out- there's a free plan that allows up to two separate users. You can upgrade as well, though you probably can work around the two-user limit. 

Here's a write-up of how one pastor uses Highrise...

Pastor uses Highrise to keep track of interactions with his congregation

Rev. Andrew Conard, Pastor of Congregational Care at The United Methodist Church, writes in: "I have found Highrise to be an excellent way to keep track of interactions that I have with members and visitors to the congregation both in the hospital, in appointments, at worship and around town. Highrise has become an integral part of my task of providing the best possible care for each person."

Read the rest

Prayer list anytime via Jott/Sandy

David Rudd sent me this...

"I've used Jott (everyone should use Jott)and Sandy (my church can't afford a secretary for me, so i have a virtual one) to create a highly functional prayer list which can be updated from anywhere and quickly accessed via email.

Anytime I have a prayer request to add, I use my phone to Jott Sandy (use Jott links to set this up) and simply say "remind me to pray for _________"  then I add the tag "@prayer".
I can also email sandy with the information, the key is always to add the tag "@prayer."

Whenever I sit down to pray, or if I want to review my prayer list, I send Sandy an email saying, "lookup @prayer"

BAM!

She emails me my entire prayer list!

(if I wanted to, I could set up a dummy Gmail address which would forward all emails to Sandy with the tag "@prayer."  then I could tell people to email their requests to me whenever they want.  I haven't done this yet, though...)

THUMP

One of the hardest parts about pastoring is dealing with volunteers. You know, really nice, well-meaning people who volunteer their time to do things for the church... and sometimes do it poorly, or worse, irresponsibly (as in, only intermittently or not at all). What to do, what to do???

From Lifehack.org- here's Five Ways to Deal with Irresponsible People (THUMP!):

Yep, we’ve all been there. Whether it’s a co-worker, a family member, or even a close friend, we’ve all had to deal with people whose stark irresponsibility causes anger, annoyance, and even chaos everywhere they go.

These individuals are constantly late, they don’t follow instructions, they miss appointments, they forget to call, they make drastically uninformed decisions, and they just generally create negativity and angst for the rest of us.

Here are five great ways for dealing with these annoying people, and the very appropriate acronym to help you remember these tips is T.H.U.M.P!

Tell them - Believe it or not, many people who are chronically irresponsible don’t realize the depth of the chaos that they leave in their wake. It’s not up to us to teach and train the masses about how to be responsible members of society, but that doesn’t mean we can’t point out that they have caused a problem due to their irresponsible behavior. If they get upset about it, that is probably because they know that you’re right, and no one likes to face the fact that they screwed up.

Have a back up plan - Despite your best efforts to tell certain people about their less than savory personality traits, some people are just going to be irresponsible no matter what you do. Your only recourse then is to have a plan in place for whenever they live up to your expectations of them. Whenever you are involved in any dealings with these people, you can think positive about the outcome - and maybe that will come to pass - but you should also plan for that person to drop the ball. By having a back up plan in place long before this person has a chance to cause an issue, you’ll save yourself and everyone involved a lot of headaches.

Undermine their involvement - Sometimes the best defense is a smashing offense! If your favorite irresponsible person is going to cause problems despite your best efforts, simply remove them from the equation. Make plans without telling them. Fill their normal slot in your endeavors with someone else before they get a chance to get involved. Keep a tight lid on the details about your upcoming adventures. Even if the irresponsible person finds out, that doesn’t mean that you need to suddenly gush about all of the details, thus allowing them to possibly slip in at the last minute.

Make them an offer - When all else fails, turn to bribery!

Read the rest here