PastorHacks

Ed Stetzer: Deposits and Withdrawals

I just returned from vacation and then several days of travel. The vacation was needed and is what prompted this post. Donna and I went on a cruise and had an excellent time hanging with some old friends and decompressing a bit. It was a welcome respite from the cold weather back home. In Nashville it was frozen, but in the Caribbean it was very warm.

I love getting away with my wife, and we work hard to invest in our relationship. Why? Because it pays dividends.

People often ask me how I balance work and travel. Sometimes it is really a question. Other times, they are just reminding me to be sure to do that. By no means, do I think I have it all figured out, but my wife says she thinks we have a good balance.

When I invest in relationships it is the same as putting money in the bank, and that's important because I have to make frequent withdrawals. I travel a lot, work a lot, and am probably not easy to have as a husband or father. Those withdrawals demand frequent deposits.

With that in mind, and knowing that I am not the perfect example by any means, let me share how I try to make relational deposits in the life of my family...

Read the rest here

Limitations

I've been thinking through the issue of why I haven't been blogging as much... that's probably a nice way to put it, yeah? Truthfully, these last three months have found my blog laying by the side of the road like a wounded lemur. Will no one stop to help?

Anyway...

I've been (somewhat) enjoying the break, feeling a strange freedom from expression. It's not that I haven't had thoughts these last few months- I just haven't shared many with you. Naughty, I know. But maybe necessary. 

Maybe a break has been just what I needed, and more than the few weeks' hiatus that generally occurs around December. Maybe what I've needed was to reengage with why I do this blog, why I run PastorHacks.com.

Reading Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership has been good for me. Ruth Haley Barton is the real deal, and her wisdom for those trying to engage the difficult life of leadership as well as the disciplines which do (or rather, must) undergird it are invaluable. 

Here's what she said that stopped me in my tracks and convinced me I needed to do more of a reevaluation than simply taking a breather when it came to blogging and websites and the like:

"There is something deeply spiritual about honoring the limitations of our lives and the boundaries of what God has given us to do as leaders. Narcissistic leaders are always looking beyond their sphere of influence with visions of grandiosity far out of proportion to what is actually being given. Living within our limits means living within the finiteness of who we are as individuals and as a community- the limits of time and space, the limits of our physical, emotional, relational and spiritual capacities, the limits of our stage of life... and the limits of the calling God has given. It means doing this and not that. It means doing this much and not more."

As I read this, I felt the subtle shift inside from "dream big" to "dream deep." There's a time to go all Jabez and try to extend the circle of influence of our lives as widely as possible. And there's a time to recognize that eventually, that becomes counter productive to getting beyond the merely surface level in any area. To truly master something, you have to give yourself to it. You have to say no to a lot of things to say yes to one or two. 

Right now, my priorities are serving/worshiping/glorifying God through my family, my church and becoming the person I feel like God has me on track to become. My confession is that those priorities don't always work themselves out in that order and that I continually feel the tug of mission creep. Invitations which appeal to one's ego are difficult to turn down. 

The psychic weight of blogging and maintaining readership is honestly something I could live without. It feels at times like simply another obligation. 

While I love hearing from people I meet that something I wrote has helped them or contributed to their church planting/pastoral/personal journey, I recognize that I love it both in a healthy and unhealthy way. 

At my worst moments, I recognize that this whole thing of blogs and stats, of links and hat tips is an ego booster that needs to be kept in check. Scratch that. "In check" doesn't get it. "Killed" or more precisely "crucified" would be the right way to say it. To the extent I allow my identity to be based on being known and appreciated for writing or a blog, I'm actually feeding a cancer on my soul that, uncrucified will leave me a self-centered husk who cares more about stats than anything else.

Something I care about will get crucified. And it's either going to be my ego or more important things (like family, church, etc). Worst case scenario thinking, I know. But I'm pretty good at looking down the road and playing out consequences, and I'll just have to ask you to trust me on this one. 

So, is this my "Dear Bob.Blog Readers" letter of dropping out of the blog world? 

No. 

But it is an admission that my family is more important than you, my church is more important than you, and my personal mental/spiritual/emotional health is more important. For me, right now, I have to stop thinking as broadly as I have, I have to stop trying to "influence the conversation." 

"When we refuse to live within our limits (one of my deepest temptations), we wear out ourselves and those who lead with us. We compromise the quality of our relationships with God and the people around us. We compromise our effectiveness at doing the things we have been called to do. To live within our limits is to live humbly as the creature, not the Creator. Only God is infinite; the rest of us need to be very clear about what we are about in any given moment and say no to everything else."

I think it's a particular pastoral temptation to be dissatisfied with the ministry and situation God has given me- to dream constantly of bigger and better, of more influence and respect, to lose sight of what's now because we focus so much on what's next.

It's a given that I'm a husband and father and need to constantly renew my commitment to placing them first. I'm also a pastor. God has given me a church. These are my people. And in ten years I want to be known, not for having written a bunch of stuff that not many people remember, but for having given myself to the care, feeding and encouragement of my family and a group of people called Evergreen. I need to stop mourning the fact that my family and pastoral duties preclude me from writing that book or the killer blog post that will set the internets on fire. The work God has given me for this period of my life is enough to challenge me, to sustain me and for me to enjoy setting my hands to.

And enough to form me, I think... to get me where I want to be after 10-15 years- The wise, older man (who may or may not have a grey, balding ponytail- TBD) who can speak into the lives of pastors and mentor leaders and serve the church through serving those who lead. 

I guess I'm realizing that for all intents and purposes, I've just been trying to jump that gun a bit. 

So I will continue to blog and express myself, but won't obsess over it. I hope what I post will be meaningful first for Evergreeners and where they are at, second for those in ministry or heading that way, and third for those who for one reason or another are interested in what I have to say.  

And maybe I'll check the stats a little less too.

Best of 2008: When to Confront...

David Rudd has some great thoughts on confrontation... and how unasked for advice is really heard.

"I don't remember where I first heard it (a quick web search suggests it may date back as far as George Washington), but somewhere I picked up the idea that:

Unasked for advice is heard as criticism.

Even though I didn't ask for it, this was good advice. Who doesn't understand the pain of listening to someone give you unrequested (and sometimes unnecessary) advice. I remember once a fellow coming to "visit" with me only to leave an hour later having spent the entire time unpacking my many shortcomings. While some of his critiques may have been on target, our relationship and the setting certainly didn't merit such behavior.

So I've really tried to take this idea to heart.  I've worked hard to be someone who listens as people unpack their problems, but not to offer up my solutions unless asked for.

...

So, there is a time to give that unasked for advice.  There is a time to "confront". And as hard as that is, I have to recognize it as a part of being not just a pastor, but of being a Christian brother. Of course, being quick to listen and slow to speak means I don't rush into confrontation. Rather it means I do so havingmeasured the situation carefully, having listened to all parties to gain clarity and understanding.

Over time, I've formulated some guidelines for when to "confront" and when to "sit back".  Here's my thoughts:
1) Confront when you are certain a clear Biblical teaching is being contradicted.
2) In such a case, use the Bible to confront, not your own words.
3) Always present your "case" in humility, acknowledging your perceptions and seeking to "see the best" if possible.
4) Remember Paul's instructions to protect the unity of the body in all things."

Read the rest of the article, along with the rest of the guidelines here.

4 Skills your next Youth Pastor must have...

From More Than Dodgeball

If I were a senior pastor, this is what I would be looking for in a youth pastor. If I was a youth pastor searching for a ministry, this is what will make you attractive to a church. Add your thoughts in the comments, here’s 4 skills your next youth worker has to have:

HAS TO: Work well with adults
The work of the youth pastor is not really to work with students. You might have already figured that out already … or I can tell you now that you will someday soon. A youth pastor’s primary role is to lead and care for the adult volunteer leadership of the church, who can in turn minister to students. If you want to hire a great youth worker, it should be a person who is great with adults.
HAS TO: Value the vision of the church
Youth ministry too quickly slips into the tempation to go their own way. That cannot be, when you hire a youth worker, their belief in the direction and leadership of the church is something you cannot live without. This might be why so many churches hire from within, because they get someone who is totally on board. Youth workers have gotten a bad reputation from moving contrary to the church, so make sure your next hire is completely on board.

Read the rest here

Questions to ask before confronting

Justin Taylor points to questions to ask yourself before a confrontation...

 They come out of a new book, Unpacking Forgiveness, Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds.

1. Before confronting, ask, “Have I examined myself yet?”
2. Before confronting, ask, “How sure am I that I am right?”
3. Before confronting, ask, “How important is this?”
4. Before confronting, ask, “Does this person show a pattern of this kind of behavior?”
5. Before confronting, ask, “What do wise people counsel me to do?”
6. Before confronting, ask, “What else is going on in the other person’s world?”

  Read the rest here  

Characteristics of People Pleasing Pastors

Craig Groeschel on... You Might Be A People Pleasing Pastor if...

Even though we know we are called to please God, ministry motives often become cloudy. Without knowing it, we can become obsessed with pleasing people rather than pleasing God.

Here are four characteristics of people pleasers I watch for in my life and ministry:

• People pleasing pastors take most criticism personally.Any suggestion feels like a personal attack. We become overly defensive and resentful of even mild corrections.
• People pleasing pastors have an extraordinary fear of rejection. If someone questions our motives, doesn’t like a sermon, or leaves our ministry, it can throw us into a depressed tailspin.http://swerve.lifechurch.tv/2008/09/23/characteristics-of-people-pleasing-pastors/

  
  
  
Read the rest here 
  
  
  
  

How to critique others well...

Part of the pastor gig will always be coaching people in their performance- regardless of how much we want to shy away from it (because of our co-dependency). Learning how to critique others and help them see their growth areas in a sensitive, constructive way is imperative. 

LifeHack offers 6 specific ways to critique without meltdowns. 

Offering constructive criticism is surprisingly hard to do. There’s this balance you have to strike between working to improve the project at hand and not absolutely bashing the creator of that project. It’s made worse by the fact that when we critique, we’re almost always looking at something subjective: there is no right way to judge a job performances, a short story or a user interface.

1. Comment on what’s right

In every peer critique I’ve ever experienced, the teacher or leader has made a point of instructing the group to comment on the things they like about th work in question. On the surface, it seems like this instruction is just an effort to keep everyone’s feelings from getting hurt. But there is a purpose to commenting on what’s right with a project: after a critique, it’s entirely possible for the creator to throw out everything and start from scratch. It’s a fact that most criticism focuses on what’s wrong with a project — that means there’s almost no feedback telling the creator what is worth keeping.

2. Ask why

Every project has some sort of limitations from size to color to kind. When the person responsible for the project asks you for feedback, she may forget to mention those limitations. When you launch into a critique, though, she’ll get frustrated because you don’t understand the limitations she was working with. I’ve seen it happen — and been guilty of getting frustrated in this manner — more times than I care to count. The only way to avoid it — unless you have a list of the limitations in your hand — is to ask why the creator went with a certain tactic.

3. Focus on the general

We don’t always catch every typo before we go looking for a little feedback on our work. And while it’s great if we get a critique that deals with a few technicalities, it’s not nearly as valuable as a critique that focuses on the piece as a whole. When you’re giving feedback try to ignore the technical errors and focus on the big picture: in a performance review, for instance, how Bob interacts with customers is far more important than how he shakes a customer’s hand. Sure, the handshake could be improved on, but it’s better to have a great overall interaction with the customer than focus on that little detail.

Read the rest here

Leadership Styles- Older and Younger

Robby Mac posts on working at St.Arbucks again, and what he's learning there about leadership...

One of the youngest shift supervisors (all of 19 years of age) is typical of the younger baristas in charge of closing duties: she makes a list of all the necessary jobs that have to be done, and the staff working with her gather around, volunteer for the various duties, and collectively take responsibility for getting everything done. There is a real camaraderie and sense of ownership among the staff working with her, and the list quickly gets dealt with by a team.

One of the older supervisors doesn't give out lists. He expects each person to come to him, and he will then give them their next task. Once you have finished the task, you must come to him for your next task. Initiative is not encouraged -- it's more important that you follow the chain of command.

The obvious is that one approach leads to a friendly atmosphere, while the other actually breeds resentment. Resentment because people feel belittled, un-valued, and chafe at the blatant power play by the older supervisor. He is obviously all about controlling the work environment and controlling who does what around the shop.

Or is that just a harshly judgmental, knee-jerk assumption?

Read the rest here

How to let your family know where they rank...

One of the hardest parts about the pastoral gig is the always on mentality and the pressure to balance ministry and family. 

But the last thing a busy pastor needs is more pressure, so... here are some helpful hints for letting family know they rank last on the priority scale so you can really start cranking and get somewhere in ministry! Who knows- once freed from the deadweight of family-time and obligations, you'll have amazing time to spend with God, stuff at church will be handled the way you actually want it handled (because you'll finally have time to do it all)... you may even get a book deal out of it! Think how productive you'll be!

1. Ministry is a boundary-less vocation, by definition- so, by all means avoid setting any. You'll only be frustrated when important ministry stuff that could be done occurs to you in the middle of just hanging out with your kids. 

2. Meditate on how important ministry is. Do it. Right now! I mean, this is work with "eternal significance" right? Your spouse and kids will always be there, but that crisis over at the Jones' (today) and that problem with the Smiths (tomorrow) and the important meeting of the CE committee (the day after) and all the rest.. you only have one shot to get that right, right? Let the family know that on Saturday from 9:15am until the Church softball game at 11:30am, you are all theirs! Then go do some real ministry.

3. Your spouse knew what they were signing on for when they married someone going into ministry, right? Don't let the complaints get to you. 

What other helpful hints do you all have for minimizing the distractions of family and focusing on what really matters? 

</sarcasm>

Peterson on Pastors and Prayer...

"But prayer is not a work that most pastor are often asked to do except in ceremonial ways. Most pastoral work actually erodes prayer. The reason is obvious: people are not comfortable with God in their lives. They prefer something less awesome and more informal. Something, in fact, like the pastor. Reassuring, accessible, easygoing. People would rather talk to the pastor than to God. And so it happens that without anyone actually intending it, prayer is pushed to the sidelines. 

And so pastors, instead of practicing prayer, which brings people into the presence of God, enter into the practice of messiah: we will do the work of God for God, fix people up, tell them what to do, conspire in finding the shortcuts by which the long journey to the Cross can be bypassed since we all have such crowded schedules right now. People love us when we do this. It is flattering to be put in the place of God. It feels wonderful to be treated in this godlike way. and it is work we are generally quite good at..."

- Eugene Peterson, The Contemplative Pastor