June 28, 2006

bouncing...

I constantly bounce back and forth between various places on the continuum of confidence and inadequacy. It's not that I feel like I'm a complete schmuck at the whole pastor thing, but you know, these are real life situations we're dealing with here. Real decisions, real families, real stuff.
So I find myself today praying for wisdom: Wisdom to love people well and generously and wisdom to set good, healthy boundaries. Wisdom to forgive and let love cover over a multitude of sins and wisdom to hold people to account for their own good and the good of everyone involved. Just wisdom...

The feelings of confidence come from those moments, those flashes of beauty and brilliance where I can clearly see the Spirit of God having His way in our community, moving us farther towards maturity and nearer to being the missional, Jesus-embodying community He had in mind. Knowing that God has not abandoned you? That He is very present even in the midst of chaos and hard conversations? Priceless.

The feelings of inadequacy come from the same places, I think. Knowing that God will move... or He won't. That He will give me the wisdom I need... or will allow me to learn some hard lessons the old fashioned way- by screwing everything up.

Man- I hope I don't screw everything up.

I'm actually doing okay on this cool (!) summer morning. Like I said earlier... just praying. So I suppose even this is a prayer. Lord, please help me. Help me to listen when I need to, speak when I need to, and help me to know the difference between the two. Let me depend on You to create this community, but in that dependence work- work for unity, for love, for Christ-centered community. And please help me not to screw it all up. Amen.

Sorry for the random stroll through Bob's synapses, everyone...

Jun 28, 2006 6:43:05 AM | evergreen, pastoral, personal

3 Comments

rick

just good to read and find that i'm not the only one. thanks for sharing - same space alot of times, you know?

Posted by: rick | June 28, 2006 at 07:34 AM

Seanno

Bob,
I'm so proud of you for being so human. I respect that so much more than I would if you were chrome. I love you. I'm so proud and blessed that we are a part of your field of vision. I hope we can be a more active support to you and evergreen in the coming months.
:)
Sean

Posted by: Seanno | June 29, 2006 at 02:42 PM

JSC

i love the honesty; we need more men and women pastors willing to trust in God for the things they simply can't accomplish on their own. do know this: you're a dang good pastor, Bob! in my prayers this week...

Posted by: JSC | July 05, 2006 at 11:47 PM

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