happy...

So time has just been flying by lately. Whizzing, actually. I've always thought that this was a natural side-effect to getting older. As each day represents a dwindling percentage of your life, it just naturally seems to go faster.

But lately I've been thinking there's something else behind the speed with which time seems to be racing by.

I think I'm happy.

I was laying in bed last night thinking that if I could, I'd be happy to just stop right here. I love my wife, I love my two kids just like they are right now and find myself wishing I could keep them from changing, I love our little house, our church community, everything. Okay, I'd like to lose a couple pounds, continue to grow spiritually and relationally (especially with my wife), but by and large, other than those things and a couple of, uh... minor technological upgrades, I'm really, really content right now. Blissed out, in fact.

I remember being a single guy in my 20's... time seemed to crawl. All of life seemed to be about getting somewhere else, finding something else, meeting someone else, and I could never quite get there, never quite get my hands around it. The days seemed long and the nights even longer. The truth is, I think I wasted a lot of time living for the future and missing the present. That's easy to do when the present has more pain than pleasure in it. I just felt so lacking, so incomplete.

Have the externals changed and made me happy? I'd be foolish to say that they weren't having some impact. But mostly, I think God is allowing me a measure of contentment. God has blessed me beyond anything I deserve, and the driving ambition I felt even a couple of years ago that otherwise would have tainted all that I'm feeling now seems to have dissapated.

I would love for things to stay just as they are now forever.
And even as I type that, I know it's not true, that humans need change and growth- that chocolate cake is only good exactly because you don't get to eat it every day.

But for the moment, I'm content to lean into this feeling of contentment and enjoy things just as they are.

Comments

[JR Rozko]

Bob, as a recent seminary grad whose various dimensions of life (work, church community, living situation, etc) are all sadly impermanent, this is a good word me. While I do feel fairly content and able to be patient, I know that some significant changes need to take place. The tension is being fully invested in my present without discounting the need to consider the future. Thanks for your words. I pray I find myself in a similar situation a few years down the road.

[Brian]

Hey Bob -- good words. And glad to hear you're feeling these things. I think your point on contentment and being present is what it's about. Things change. Even stability is change -- things get familiar, routine, and even old. So change is inevitable. The future will come, but when it gets here, it will be the present. I hope that doesn't sound too goofy or obvious. Breathe, live, be present, soak it up, and give thanks.