Frustrated...

Time for some self-therapy.

One of my pastoral counseling schticks is that frustration is nearly always a sign of unreasonable expectations, and when you feel frustrated, it's a good thing to examine why, what you were/are expecting and whether or not it's unreasonable to expect that.

So, I'm frustrated. Frustrated with myself for sure and trying hard not to be frustrated with the two tiny people I love most in this whole world.

I'm in one of those phases where my brain has turned off- it's kind of a cycle, really. I begin reading less, thinking less, writing less.. and since each feeds the other, there's this diminishing return type of effect where slowly but surely my brain begins to shut down and turn off...

I don't blog, I don't think, I don't process, and as a result, everything gets backed up. I find myself telling my problems to and processing with those I'm trying to do pastoral counseling with.

And then when I try to turn the whole thing around, I find myself rising earlier and earlier to get some time in before the (seemingly) increasingly early rising times of our beautiful kids.
Never fails.

I'll sit down to read my Bible, spend some time in prayer and- crying (Jack or Janie... not me).
Or I'll actually get in reading/praying/stretching I want to do, and (thinking I'm home free) reach out for a book to read... Touching the book seems to activate a mechanism whereby a tiny electrical shock is transmitted to one of our kids (whichever is on Keep-Dad-From-Thinking-Duty that day) and someone gets up... Our rule is that up until 7am is sleep/in room/quiet time. It rarely seems to work out that way.

I'm not complaining (okay- I am a little)... mainly, I catalog my frustrations to name them and to label them- unreasonable. Unreasonable to expect a 1 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old to conform to vision of the perfect morning, and to do so regularly. Unreasonable to assume that even if I did have all this free-time in the mornings, I would and could actually be the CS Lewisian figure I picture myself being.
Unreasonable to assume that thoughtful creativity can and should come easily.

God forgive me for any expectation of mine that would lead me to view my children waking in the morning as anything but a cause to once again, today, say "Thank You, God!"

Comments

[Aaron Stewart]

Thanks for sharing this Bob, I'll be praying for it specifically!

[Fred]

Remember that in a very short time you will miss even those interruptions from the little ones.

[Anna]

That line, "Frustration is nearly always a sign of unreasonable expectations," is gold. I need to remember that. I think it's especially easy for type-A, perfectionist personalities to get frustrated when things don't go our way. It's a sign of expecting too much of both others and ourselves, you're right.

[sonja]

Wow ... as a mom I do remember those times. It's sooo frustrating to balance the very reasonable needs of the children with the also very reasonable needs of the parents. My children are now 10 and 14, but those days are not so far behind me that I can't put myself in your shoes in a red-hot minute. Frankly, you can be thankful that your children are healthy and thankful that you are able to be present with them. But it's also very healthy and normal to also need some time to yourself to recharge and regenerate. Yes, even Jesus needed this.

I seem to remember that around age 3 or so was about the time that we bought each of our children digital clocks and began teaching them the number 7 so that they could tell when it was time to "come downstairs" in the morning. This took a while. It was no magic bullet by any means. But eventually each of them learned and it gave me the few precious minutes that I needed in order to be the mother they needed for the rest of the day.

[Jessi]

I TOTALLY identify...and somehow, knowing that I should appreciate these days, b/c someday they will be gone, and I will miss them...well, let's just say that today, even knowing that did NOT help it feel better.

[Aj]

I would leave a longer comment, but I have to put my eldest back to bed . . . again. :)

[Scott]

As a father of three 5 yrs and under, I feel the same pain. Richard Foster wrote that when we have constant "intruders" into our times of meditation and contemplation that we should turn the intruder into the object. In other words, quit what we're doing and pour our focus into what (or who) has been distracting us.

I've tried it and have heard from God in amazing ways through little voice of one of my boys. Hope that encourages :-) My heart is with you, for sure.

[real live preacher]

Yeah, I expect everything to work just the way I want it to when I want it to. I wonder when I'll finally learn.

[curtis klope]

Thanks so much for sharing this one Bob... Sounds like there's a lot of us that are either in, or were once in, the same boat.

God, give us patience and grace...