dad recap

So, yeah... my dad didn't show on Friday.

We had a good dinner anyway, with my aunt and uncle, my only other relatives left in California where I grew up, but...

It wasn't just a no-show. It was also a no-call, a no-attempt-to-reschedule, a no-how-about-stopping-by-and-letting-me-meet-my-grandkids...

I suppose a bit more backstory might help.

When Amy and I got married almost 6 years ago, my dad didn't want to come. Said he "wouldn't know anyone." That pretty much tore things for me... I had made efforts with him all through my 20's, but never really saw that reciprocated. So when he didn't want to fly out for our 2002 wedding, I was pretty much done.

I did make another effort, however, when we discovered Jack was on his way. I wrote a Christmas card telling him what was up with me, that we were about to plant a church and he was about to be a grandfather. I let him know I'd be happy to send pictures if he wanted them. I told him all he had to do was write or call and just let me know he'd like that.

Never heard back...

The hard part of this is that as difficult as it was to get to a place where I picked up the phone and let him know we were coming, it was even more difficult to get to a place where I had something redemptive to say to him, something about forgiveness. But I was there.

Now? I don't know... I'm angry, hurt, would rather not think about it, etc.

His health is failing (congestive heart failure) and I seriously doubt he'll be around that much longer. I really don't know how much effort I can/should put into this.
Right now, it's not feeling much, I can tell you.

Comments

[Aaron Stewart]

Bob I'm really sorry to hear this man and don't have much more than that to contribute. Johnny V and I were thinking about you and this situation last night.

[liza]

Sorry. It's disappointing when our parents aren't really parents.

At this point you can only love him the same way Jesus loves those who don't care for Him.

May God grant you peace.

[Tara]

yep.

I invited my "dad" to my wedding and he was also a no-show (also a no RSVP, no call, no nothing). He lives 15 minutes from the church where we got married. I send him a Christmas card with updates but he never responds. This past Christmas I sent him a family picture including my 3 kids. No response. And you know what? I don't even really expect a response... but there is always that little glimmer of hope somewhere in the back of my mind that even if he isn't interested in me that he will want to know his grandkids. But no.

It just plain sucks.

I prayed for you again today. And him. And my non-dad too.

[Paul]

Bob, I don't know you at all, but I was very moved by your story of your dad. I find myself in almost the same story. I wish there was somewhere to look to as a guide book to know what to do in this. What do we do with dads who don't seem to care about us at all? I'm lost here, but I find some comfort in knowing it's not just me.

Blessings

[robbymac]

Bob, I really grieve with you over this. I KNOW that your children will have a much better relationship with their dad.

And for that I'm thankful.

Praying for you -- this is a very sad, sad piece.

[The Bishop]

Hey Bob. I just wanted to add my $.02 worth...When I was 13, my dad left and I never saw him again. I would write, send cards, call, only to not hear back time and time again. And as a teen, there wasn't much else I could do. I guess I gave up, so to speak, when I was 18 years old. Shortly there after, my grandmother (Dad's mom) called and said my dad had terminal lung cancer and wanted to see us. I was excited, but couldn't figure out why he didn't call himself. I made plans to drive (as a 19 year old) from Dallas to LA (where he was living I came to find out). I still didn't hear from him. On the morning I was planning to leave, I got a call from my mom telling me I didn't need to go to LA. I didn't get it at first. Then it sank in...he had died the night before. Looking back now, I wish I'd done more. I really think I could have. It's not just me beating myself up asking if I could have done more. I know I could have. So, my thought for you is to be sure that you know, when he's gone, that you did all you could, even to the point of great sacrifice. I wish I had.

[real live preacher]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's something a child of any age should not have to do. It's hard enough to keep up one with life with children, much less have to parent your father.

I said a prayer for you today.