On the anvil, again...

I think God and I are having a "moment." 

About a week ago, I began praying what will inevitably go down as one of the more stupid prayers I've ever prayed: "God show me what your discipline looks like."

I was reading in Proverbs where it says "People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray." 

Not wanting to be one of the ignorers, I started thinking through what God's discipline looks like. What does it mean to be corrected by God? Hebrews says 

"'For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.'”
As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?

God disciplines us for our own good. Check. 

Out of love. Check. 

And that looks like...? 

What I didn't want to say was "crappy circumstances=God's discipline." That's an equation that's just too easy to abuse. The fact is, crap happens to the just and the unjust, as it were. 

But...

If it's not circumstantial, what is it? A guilty conscience (sorry... "convicted")? A sense of God's distance or some other kind of feeling? What does it look like when God lays down the smack in your life? 

So I started asking- God show me. Help me understand. 

Long and the short of it is, it's been a crappy week. 

I'm not ready to make any conclusions yet, but the loss, the "taking away" that's happened over the last week has been pretty noticeable. My health, my wallet, the work of my hands, relationships... all of it has been affected. I won't detail it all, but it's cost me a lot of time, effort, money and brain cycles. 

In the midst of this whole thing, God has been speaking to me. Last week, as I sat out on the porch (taking the day off due to nausea and throwing up the night before) I began to hear from God about growing up in my faith- about not being the kind of guy who cuts corners in the least, about a more mature, more straight approach to God, to others and to life. There are more specifics, but those are between me and Him, at least for now. 

And still I'm not sure... God speaking to me, God laying His hand on my life, God pushing me to grow up? 

Sounds like what discipline is for. 

And this sure feels like "discipline." 

I guess I'm getting an answer- the only question left is... 

Will I listen?

Comments

[Drew Caperton]

Without knowing the exact cirucmstances, I will venture to say that I feel your pain, will grieve with you, and will pray for you to abide through it all.

[Crystal]

Have you ever prayed for patience? That's a doozy, too.

[Jen W]

Just don't forget that what he takes away he's able to give back. If it's his doing, there's a good chance good times are coming also.

[Helen]

I think it's very hard to know what 'circumstances' mean.

And maybe it doesn't matter as long as we are open to learning whatever we can learn from them.