Slow down...

"In a faster world, maybe we need a slower church."- Leighton Ford

I'm sitting, thinking about these words, thinking about our community, what it means to be the people of God...

Like many, I have a mixed relationship with my evangelical past. There are things I look back on and wish had been done differently. But one thing I don't regret... how much time church took.

Sunday morning we would head to church early for Sunday school, we would eat donuts after (while the adults drank Folgers), we would run and play (or when we were teens, sit and talk) until it was time for worship and then we would head to the sanctuary together. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was boring... but whatever it was it was something we did together. And after, some would rush off, but I remember- many would linger, talk, enjoy one another's company... 

Maybe it's that now, as a pastor, I'm lost in the details- thinking through what needs to get put away and packed up, trying to talk to so many people I can't really talk to anyone... but these days it all feels so rushed.

Here's one thing I've noticed: When we stay after for lunch together- it's often the same people who stay. And interestingly enough, it's people who seem to have no trouble feeling connected.

Others come late, leave right when things are done and are rarely present to the rest of the community any other times but that narrow band of an hour and a half on Sunday. And, again, interestingly, often those who make a rhythm of coming late and leaving early later eventually complain to me of not feeling a sense of community, of connectedness.

This isn't a poke at or slam on anyone in particular. I just feel this loss of slowness, of languidly enjoying each others' company- maybe it's an airbrushed and idealized picture I'm carrying around in my head, but it just seems like we didn't have as much to do back then, as much to rush off to... and being together seemed more of a priority.

I don't know how to encourage people to come early, to stay late, to help set up and tear down as a shared activity, to endure the same pub food week after week as a sacrificial act of community building, to invest and create the community they long for rather than hoping it just happens... I honestly wish I did. 

But I will say this- I've rarely regretted giving my time to others. To myself, to the internet, to TV and busy work yes. To people, to community, no. 

Comments

[Kieran Mcknight]

Yeah you are right- we gotta slow down

[Dan Kimball]

I see Andrew and Julia!!

[Tina Lips]

I totally know what you mean Bob...where I grew up, a small town in Oregon in the 70's and 80's, 90% of the stores were closed on Sunday (one gas station and the hospital and a handful of restaurants...that's about it). If you didn't buy it on Saturday you were SOL until Monday. Even when we didn't make it to church (which was rare), our family spent the day going on drives together or dining with others. I remember asking my mom almost every Sunday who's coming over or who's house are we going to and she had an answer almost every week.

[cloudburst]

as someone who unfortunately ends up coming late and leaving early-ish, i couldn't agree more. i have thought it would be nice to delay the meeting time once in a while and simply have a drink with everyone.

aside from that, slowing down is vital to experiencing any kind of shared locality or community, and the slow crystalline growth of relationships is just that, slow.

the nature of our society here is speed, information, add, instantly gratifying.. certainly one way to re-structure this pattern is to step outside of it, observe, enforce stasis or simply lack of speed.. so important in our individual lives and creativity/relationality/divine incarnation..

[Jen W]

I could give you a list of reasons of why people might do the rushed thing but I suspect you know them already.

I might offer this suggestion though, since you do meet in a pub: figure out a way to keep the *kids* interested and out of trouble through that half hour-45 minute period between when service ends and lunch starts. 9 times out of 10 we would have stayed if our kids hadn't been going crazy, or running away, etc.

Also... this may be contrary to the point of your post, but the motivational thing... I kind of only felt guilt tripped about coming early and staying late. It is probably a sign of my lack of commitment, but the difficulty of doing that was usually enough to offset my motivation. While my own example is not the ideal to strive for, there are probably a lot of people like me who could use a crutch. Stick and a carrot rather than just a stick. By which I mean maybe offer a discussion group or Hebrew class or something right after fixing the room up.

[bobhyatt]

Ha! It's the rare person who would consider a Hebrew class a carrot rather than a stick, but point taken :)

[Michael]

I have pastored for nearly ten years and it seems to me that many of the late-in-early-out don't stay at any one church long and their reason for leaving is that they don't have any friends and never made any meaningful connections. The church can only encourage this and make the opportunity, each person must take advantage of the opportunity. If you choose not to, at least don't leave and blame everyone else.

[Sarah]

Please don't take offense at this, but unless you have tried to join a new church recently, you really can't understand how difficult it can be to make friends at a church where you know no one.

Granted, I tend to be shy anyway, but even when I am making a herculean effort to meet people and make friends, it's very difficult. Being at a new church early enough or late enough to meet people and try to make friends can be physically painful. I remember feeling full on anxiety at a community dinner because I knew no one and was at someone's home who I had met once or twice. I have made the type of effort that you are talking about for 3 or 4 months in a row without really feeling like I was a part of the community.

Please understand, it is very difficult to join a community of people who are all friends already. Even when the community is very friendly, they all know each other and they don't know you. Especially for shy people, or for singles, it can be very awkward to try to get to know people. And there are days when making it to church at all seems like an achievement.

I really believe that the best thing that you can do as a community and as individuals who make up a community is personally pick someone who is always late to arrive and early to leave and befriend them. Give them someone who knows their name and whose name they know and then share your friends with them.

This is what I try to do in the church I am settled it now. It's not easy either, but I hope that it helps others feel less anxious than I have felt in the past.

[Jen W]

To Evergreen's credit, I always got the sense people were trying to be friendly and inclusive and connect with us. I *always* felt accepted and welcome. It was more that sort of awkward in-between, lack-of-direction time that made you sort of fizzle and start shuffling your feet at each other that made the barrier. Well that, and in our case, living an hour away from stuff and having kids who wanted none of it.

And yes, Hebrew classes are awesome! But I may be biased.

[Doug Robertson]

Thanks for sharing Bob. A good reminder. I'm a pastor too, I know it's hard to connect, some people make it hard, some are trying and sometimes we just don't know how to build the bridges we need to.

[David Cooke]

I think it is Eugene Peterson who says 'There's no hurry in the Kingdom'.

We all need to hurry less don't we-especially pastors. Great post.

[curtis klope]

thanks, Bob. good reminder.