How Facebook is Ruining Me

Some thoughts running through my head today... 

There was a time when I think I was much more balanced, much less likely to anger others with my opinions, much more thoughtful of how my words would land with certain people. 

And then Facebook happened. 

I should say at the outset, the blame for thoughtless words lies squarely on my shoulders. The one who says them is responsible for the damage they do. But...

Facebook and Twitter have brought a real change for me, and not a positive one. 

In the beginning, there was the blog. And though things would get heated at times, and though I certainly have blogged things I wish I hadn't, the medium of the blog essay demanded a certain amount of circumspection and self-editing. 

Status updates, with their 140 character constraints, may demand pithiness, but self-editing? For length, maybe. But there's something about the medium of Twitter/Facebook updates that encourages a certain stream-of-consciousness, write-whatever-comes-into-your-head kind of thing. 

And while authenticity is a great value to pursue, for me, the unintended side effect of unedited authenticity has been a less pastoral presence, more arguing over issues (whether they be important or not, arguing on Facebook solves nothing), and more interpersonal strife. And frankly, it's just not worth it.

I think when it comes to many issues, the pastor is best left a blank slate. Unless your goal is to have a community/church full of people who think just like you, there isn't a whole lot of upside to arguing one side or the other of most (not all) of the current things people get spun out over. 

Yes, I recognize it matters whether McCain or Obama gets elected, whether Health Care Reform passes or we start down the slippery slope to socialism (whoops- there I go), but as a pastor, I'm coming to realize that others will debate those issues, and better. I have a certain amount of capital/good will in people's lives, and I'm coming to see that I can choose to spend it on arguing about politics and current events, or encouraging them to believe the Gospel and trust Jesus. 

I know that there are people who feel called to do both. God bless both Jim Wallis and James Dobson. That's their thing. Mine is to pastor a community full of Republicans AND Democrats, independents and Libertarians (and even a few Socialists and Greens!). Our political and ideological diversity is one of our strengths, and it's a part of the crucifixion of ministry to understand that my job is to love them all, challenge them all, and do as little needless antagonizing as possible. I still have opinions- but my freedom to get uppity about them is something I need to learn to lay down.

To the extent that I've failed at that over the last few months (and I HAVE failed at that over the last few months), I'm sorry. 

Comments

[Tina Lips]

Pastors and Counselors/Therapists have a lot in common. I constantly find myself critiquing and censoring my comments...even withdrew a confrontation on The City and sent it by email...much better results and no regret afterward! I hope to maintain a good filter...keep FB light and fun, sprinkled with a little seriousness but overall fun! I appreciate your honesty and transparency...anyone in a people helping profession needs a good reminder of the power we do have in people's lives and when we are throwing our opinions around it can impede the interpersonal connections!

[Elizabeth Chapin]

Bob, I appreciate your confession here, especially your thoughts about laying down your "freedom to get uppity" about your opinions. Sometimes I think we worship freedom here in America. May grace overwhelm you.

[Doug]

Good post Bob. I appreciate the candor and the challenge it presents. Blessings.

[Scott Purcell]

Curious... I think Twitter and Facebook have made me more measured and circumspect in how I present my ideas. Before them, I was often surrounded by "the choir" and would "preach" with vigor. But now, I realize how many people are in my audience who are of other persuasions. I will not persuade them by dismissing or belittling their ideas (and I SO despise it when others do that to my ideas) that I work much harder to convey my ideas in ways that will persuade without causing people to put up their defences.

But your larger point about choosing to spend the bulk of your energy on matters of eternal rather than merely temporal importance is one I certainly agree with. I'm trying to find that balance as well.

[bobhyatt]

Scott- I'm glad it's had that impact on you! I hope someday to be able to say the same. It just seems it's going to take a lot more self-discipline on my part...

[Jen W]

Wow, Bob.

Respect.

[andy]

Bob...
I gave up both Facebook and Twitter for Lent and I feel like I'm a better person for it. Besides the wasted time that I've regained I am finding that I am less likely to say things that would frustrate and in turn I am surprisingly less frustrated. I am currently considering how I will reengage with the social media scene and if it weren't a great means for connection with people in our ministry I may pull the plug all together.

Thanks for your honesty.

[Dan Brown]

Well, you're an individual as well as a pastor, and you're as entitled to join these sorts of conversations as anyone. Of course it is for you alone to judge what balance is appropriate, but as I see it, there's no need for you to suppress your voice as long as you keep the snark down and speak with humility (which is a good idea for all of us).

[robbymac]

For me...

Facebook: keep connected with friends, family, current and former DTS students; keep it light, keep it fun (still an occasional "deep convo" in "Messages")

Blog: communication of ideas, outlet for writing, a place of more measured creativity and self-editing

Twitter: nope. (gotta draw the line somewhere, eh?)

Appreciate your candor and insights, as always, Bob!

[Matt @ The Church of No People]

I totally understand and agree with you. A pastor is better as a blank slate. There's too much confusion between the essentials and the peripherals.

[curtis klope]

"I still have opinions- but my freedom to get uppity about them is something I need to learn to lay down."

well said, I've been working on this as well... it's a long process

[Vicky Silvers]

Hi,

This is Vicky Silvers, Asst. Editor for Christian.com which is a social network made specifically for Christians, by Christians, to directly fulfill Christian's needs. We embarked on this endeavor to offer the ENTIRE christian community an outlet to join together as one (no matter denomination) and better

spread the good word of Christianity. Christian.com has many great features aside from the obvious like christian TV, prayer request or even find a church/receive advice. We have emailed you because we have interest in collaborating with you and your blog to help us spread the good word. I look

forward to an email regarding the matter, Thanks!

God Bless,

Vicky Silvers
vicky.silvers@gmail.com

[Jim Krill]

Wow, I'm really blown away by this post, Bob. Seriously, Thank you.
It's not only reconciliatory, but it also rings very true for myself in my life and has made me think about this very topic.

I'm not going to lie, I was getting pretty sick of reading some of your status updates; with that said, I can't even begin to tell you how much this single post has restored my faith in you as MY pastor, and as a leader who isn't afraid to take a good hard look in the mirror and spell out your shortcomings and failures in order to rise above them. I'm inspired, impressed, and ask for your forgiveness for ever thinking you were above this sort of honesty. I only hope I can be as honest and humble.

I really do mean it when I say, this is one of the most honest and beautiful things I have ever heard/read from you. You're a good man, Bob.