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Seriously? Hate is hate, on the left or on the right...

Can anyone explain to me how someone could be so intellectually self-unaware and obtuse as to be able to write, record and sing the following lyrics by Lily Allen:

"Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

F*** you
F*** you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch."

 

Uh, yeah... We're so tired of all the hatred, we're just going to add to it.

Makes complete sense.

It's not okay to have a problem with same-sex sexual activity. But it is okay to call someone evil because of their view that sex was designed to work a certain way in a certain context? Yeah...

This reminds me of a passage in Tim Timmerman's fantastic book A Bigger World Yet- Faith, Brotherhood & Same-Sex Needs in which he talks about his friend Jim who had strugged for years with same-sex attraction and has found finding a home in the church difficult- but maybe not for the reasons you think. Of course, he describes the reception you might be able to imagine from some-"I mean, God forbid I should even say 'I'm still having troubles.' They figure you got born again, you got Spirit-filled and you've done your discipleship program- you should be fixed. You should be better... If I did struggle what I got from the church was that I was the one who wasn't praying enough, I was the one who wasn't doing enough..." 

I'm sure you've heard similar- but what about those on the left side of the spectrum, the affirming side? Surely those who eschewed hate would have a different reaction to Jim? Well...

He was asked to tell his story to a denominational gathering of a mainline denomination and when he shared that same-sex attraction was something he struggled with (as opposed to embracing) and that he had some ties with ministries that actually support men and women who want to move in a different direction, the reaction shocked him. "I've never had people hate me so vehemently," he said as he was called a bigot by people who should have been calling him "brother"...

I didn't mean for this to turn into a big post, but I think it's important to point out- we ALL struggle with hatred towards those on the "other" side, and whether you are hating someone because they are gay (which I think many do- though I'd argue that simply believing that same-sex sexual activity is out of bounds for Christ followers is NOT "hatred") or hating someone because of their to-the-right-of-you views about sexuality, you are still hating. And all the hating whether from the right or the left doesn't help anyone. 

A final quote from Tim that I think many on both sides of this thing in the Church need to hear: "The battle that has been waging between Christians regarding homosexuality is killing people. Really. There are men like Jim who are smashed in between this debate like a pedestrian in the middle of two vehicles dead set on a head-on crash. These men are ostracized and not supported at church because they are treated like they are 'gay.' But they are vehemently attacked by gays and church goers who support the gay lifestyle because their actual choices present a challenge to the "born that way' story. Like modern lepers, they have nowhere to go where they are accepted and encouraged.

"I have watched men who don't find what they need in either warring faction give up asking for help. I've watched them make do, get by and, in many ways, simply go to sleep. I have watched men risk a myriad of sexually-transmitted diseases to have at least a moment of touch from another man. As we fight on the intellectual, emotional and psychological fronts men are losing their lives. I know them well as they show up on men's weekends I staff, threadbare and roadweary. They fear they can't get their needs met at church, but also find having sex with men tearing their soul to pieces. The church is busy arguing on an intellectual level over what Scripture may say, or over what is cuturally appropriate in the 21st century. Meanwhile, men are disappearing daily."

A can of worms on sexuality....

Allow me to open a can of worms by touching briefly on what is quickly becoming the 3rd Rail of American culture, both within and without of the Church- homosexuality.

<canofworms>

When I was studying counseling a decade ago, one of the more challenging things I was taught and had to grapple with was the idea that sexuality is not as set as we once believed, not concrete. That no one is either 100% homosexual or heterosexual and that we all are on the continuum somewhere between the two poles, and even sometimes experience movement along that continuum during our life.

After initially struggling with this idea,  I came to embrace it- especially as I thought back on the experiences of many folks I had known and their sexual pasts/journeys. 

(Note well what I'm saying and what I'm not saying- I'm not saying sexual behavior is relative. Behavior is a different issue, one where we make choices and exhibit control and should submit to God and His designs. The fact that our sexuality is forged in the confluence of gender and hormones and experience (both good and bad) and needs (both met and unmet) doesn't in any way free us from the obligations we have when we choose to be followers of Jesus to exhibit biblical sexual ethics and behaviors.

Also- In suggesting that same sex sexual behavior is out-of-bounds for followers of Christ, I'm not suggesting that gays and lesbians (or anyone else) should have fewer civil rights- though I would like to see the debate move laterally from "marriage" to something else. See here for a fuller explanation of my thoughts on the issue.)

So the question I had in reading this article this morning which described what I would see as a pretty mainline evangelical view towards homosexuality as "controversial" is this: If the best thinking on sexuality today describes it as somewhat fluid, and it's okay for a therapist to treat someone who, say, feels they have been born the "wrong" gender and would like help in changing, why is it now so controversial or wrong for a therapist to treat someone who says "I've become unhappy with my orientation (for religious or other reasons) and would like help in changing"? 

</canofworms>

 Update: Here's another (and better) take on the issue of society's intolerance of the idea of change in sexuality: A Civil Tolerance

Toward a Theology of Sex, Pt 2

Towards a Theology of Sex, pt 2. This is taken from a two part sermon series we did a couple of years ago and owes much to Ben Patterson.

I'll post more this week on why I'm posting this now, what I hope Evergreen people and others here and what I hope nobody hears...

 

Summary:

When sex takes the form of a search for something, “are you the one? Will you give me what I need?” the search for love and unconditional acceptance, or even just the search for release, it breaks us even further.
But when sex comes as an expression of something that’s been found, as a living expression of the unconditional, never-ending acceptance that a husband and wife have promised one another, then it can become very much a part of putting us back together again…

The Theology of Sex, Part One

"One of evangelicalism’s biggest problems is we have no compelling sexual vision which makes sense of celibacy as a fulfilling calling. We have little or no sexual ethic except the glorified desire of Hollywood lopped onto heterosexual monogamous marriage. We have no theology of desire formation. It is “lust,” and enjoy it, only while married to one person. We have no concept of the “ordering of desire.” This is why our witness is so vapid among the sexual brokenness of our day." - David Fitch

I think Fitch may be onto something here, though I will say that this is rapidly changing. I think from the twin poles of places like Mars Hill in Seattle and Mars Hill in Michigan, this topic is being, uh, fleshed out. Rob Bell's Sex God went a long way (in a cool, lots of white-space-on-the-page way).

At any rate, here's my take- part 1. This is taken from a two part sermon series we did a couple of years ago and owes much to Ben Patterson and, as always Tim Keller.

 

 

 

This Fall we are doing all we can to focus on how the Gospel shapes us, both as individuals and as a community.  And while we'll get into that topic more properly 2 weeks from now, for this Sunday and next we're going to look at a topic near and dear to my heart... and probably to yours... Sex.

How many of you have ever heard a fantastic sermon on sex- one that just blew you away? Well, I wish I could say you were going to hear that today... :)

The elders asked me this summer to do this, and I was a bit, uh, hesitant, because to be honest- it can be embarrassing and uncomfortable and the fact is, no matter how we talk about this topic, no matter what positions we stake out, in doing so we'll be drawing some lines and someone will disagree and get their knickers in a twist. But it’s important. We are all sexual beings- it’s how we were made. Single, married, young adult, middle aged, 55 and up, after a certain age, we are all sexual beings. So let me say a couple of things as we start...

I recognize that occasionally, when we get to discussions of tough topics, preaching turns into a great spectator sport. We all want to see how Bob is going to get himself out of this one. Well- the short answer is- I guess we'll see.

Actually- the real answer is- I hope I don't. I don't want to get out of anything- But I do want to recognize that there are people here who are at all different places both in their spiritual journey AND in their views on sex.

So let me be upfront with you.

We're going to approach these two weeks both unabashedly pro-sex and unabashedly pro-bible. I believe, and am going to invite you in joining me in believing, that sex is a good gift from God and that He has definite ideas about how best to use that gift.

Now when I say that, don't either get too excited or too afraid- We're not going to spend a lot of time talking about don't do this and don't do that... Why?